III - Wholeheartedly Sharing

Love gives you the strength to wait without despairing, to endure, and face up to everything life presents without giving up; it also has the magic power to convince and move. A little bit of love in our eyes, in our smile, in our job has the power to change hatred into forgiveness; disagreement into union; doubt into faith; despair into hope; sadness into happiness; darkness into light. Love allows us to accept everything we cannot change in life.

Love is the poetry of the senses, said Balzac, the famous French writer.

Love is tenderness, care, and attention. Love is the supreme gift. To love is to exercise the supreme feeling. In these four letters we find forgiveness, goodness, humbleness, patience, perseverance, understanding, compassion, and non-judgement. Setting love into motion is the motto of this chapter. You will shed light into the hearts of so many people; including yours. So, practice love in small dosages. Follow the suggestions below.

Arrange with friends for them to send positive email messages and read them to the Loved One. Ask them to call him/her on the phone.

“I spent almost 45 days unable to speak. So, it was really great when my mother read me cellphone or email messages from Brazil. Or when I heard the voices of relatives and friends over the phone. Or better still, when I was able to buy and have a good laptop at home (thanks to Curt, my American technology expert friend) and be able to communicate, especially through the net called “Bia’s Friends”, a relationship site especially created by our family’s good friend, Creso Moraes. Our loneliness was reduced and it gave us the comfort of knowing that we were being taken care of, even from a distance.” – Bia


Organize visits, small celebrations with family and friends; ask them to send cards and flowers.

“Suzana suggested that the weekly dinner she used to have at her house be held at our apartment. It happened to be Easter Sunday. My mother prepared a delicious meal – Brazilian style – with a banana-based dish (that she prepared herself, enormously successful among Brazilians and Americans) for dessert. Even though I couldn’t eat, or speak, for that matter, it did wonders to break the routine and make me happy”. – Bia

Make up a calendar with a movable magnet marker to mark the progress toward discharge day.

Create a Tree of Life with the Loved One. In many traditions, the tree is used as a profound life metaphore. Thinking about your own tree will allow you to develop a strong sense of self. Start by drawing the roots – what you mean for your household, family, friends, and acquaintances. Now, notice the scars on the trunk: your physical, moral, and spiritual growth process. Then, observe the fruits: your accomplishments. And go on nourishing the buds, because they are your objectives, your dreams, and the cure.

Dig out old family albums. Go through them with the Loved One. Chose a picture where he/she is smiling and ask why.

In this computer era, I copied all my family photos in a CD – those shot in Brazil and the ones shot in Little Rock. So it became much easier to remember good moments and the not so good ones, too.

Help the Loved One to write a diary. Stimulate him/her. It is good to vent your feelings.

Help him/her write poems. Recite them out loud. Something like:

“Dance as if no one was watching you/ Sing as if no one was listening/ Love as if no one has ever hurt you/ Live as if Heaven were here on Earth.”

Sing. I made Bia laugh by singing her an old Carlos Galhardo song, from my childhood, that maybe some “old timers” will remember:

In a free translation into English it would be something like this:
Ricardo, the lucky one/Was always singing/But one day a mean lover/ Almost made/ Ricardo cry.
Sing or whistle/show your happiness/ And like me/Sing that the world is yours…


Motivate and help the Loved One to take short walks. Even if just up and down the hospital hallways.
If possible, go to the garden, go out on errands, go to the supermarket, streetfairs, or shopping malls. On doing so, take full advantage of touching, embracing, smiling. Ask the Loved One to notice the joyful messages conveyed by flowers, the lovely caress of sunrays or breeze on the skin, the beauty in children’s innocent laughter, or even the hurried pace of adults going by.

Always utter words of encouragement: How beautiful you look, you smell good…
Nobody can do this better than you…

Get pillows for protection and support. Sometimes the Loved One has lost so much weight and so much muscle mass that the bones can hurt him/her.

Make origami (paper foldings); paint, sculpt, crochet, knit or embroider.

Stimulate the Loved One to help with house work, like dusting furniture, for instance. Always praise the work done; even if it leaves something to be desired.


Follow nature’s flow. We arrived in March, a time when everything was grey and dry. Little by little, small bursts of green sprang from the ground and from tree trunks. And then, the flowers. Thousands of them: tulips, coloring Saint Vincent’s gardens red and pink. Golden daffodils along the golf field close to our apartment. And several kinds of birds, like robins that herald the arrival of spring, started to visit the gardens, filling them with their songs and colors. Squirrels jumped from tree to tree, from rooftop to rooftop. While it lasted, this gradual change meant that something good and special was around the corner for us.

We also fed pieces of toast to squirrels and birds in the park. It was a feast for our eyes and a passed time; time spent in preparing the feed – and Bia was always worried that I wouln’d have enough bread for the toast – and the happy time spent in sheer enjoyment.

Find kaleidoscopes. They are lots of fun. I bought Bia two of them.


Get stuffed animals. Bia got a bunnyrabbit (from Sheila, on Easter Sunday), a koala (from Tom Adam, the Guest House manager), and a pillow shaped like a piglet, a gift from Fayga. And on Bia’s surgery day, I was feeling so lonely at the hospital, I bought myself a beautiful spotted stuffed cat that kept me company during the 14 hours of surgery, and also during the rest of our time in Little Rock. In the apartment I was the laughing stock, for I was always “talking” to the cat. All these animals traveled back to Curitiba with us.

Take pictures. Send them via cellphone or computer; add messages. It feels good for those who send them as well as for those receiving them.

Decorate the environment. Put up ballons, clowns and puppets for children.

For adults, put up a poster with a favorite soccer team, a favorite actor/actress, a picture of a moment or place in which they were happy.

Get linen with colorful animals or flowers printed on them. Bia got a small blanket from the Children’s Hospital with happy frogs on it and Karin, Dr. Suen’s wife, gave her another one speckled with ladybugs and clovers for luck.

Rent funny movies or favorite musicals to watch.

Keep flowers in the Loved One’s room on a regular basis. Bia and I tended flower vases that, at the end of our stay, were given to the Guest House’s van driver, Rodney, to plant in his garden at home, since he was his church’s regular flowers supplier.

If possible, ask the Loved One to keep a small garden, in vases or flower beds, so that he/she can water, prune, and watch plants grow. They can be flowers of herbs like parsley, onions, marjoram. Handling earth can be a very therapeutic activity.