terça-feira, 13 de abril de 2010
Acknowledgements
Essential Acknowledgement
To God
Special Acknowledgements
To my family
To my friends
To Izamar Calixto
To Rafaella Calixto
To Dr. James Y. Suen
To the Guardian Angels of Little Rock
Isabel
Suzana / Gilson
Yaso/ Saravanah
Bob/ Angie
Fayga/ Luiz
Curt
Sidney Carswell
Rev. Del Farris
George
Rodney
Ezequiel
Tom /Judy Adam
Tom Bonner
Julio
Maria
Ana
To God
Special Acknowledgements
To my family
To my friends
To Izamar Calixto
To Rafaella Calixto
To Dr. James Y. Suen
To the Guardian Angels of Little Rock
Isabel
Suzana / Gilson
Yaso/ Saravanah
Bob/ Angie
Fayga/ Luiz
Curt
Sidney Carswell
Rev. Del Farris
George
Rodney
Ezequiel
Tom /Judy Adam
Tom Bonner
Julio
Maria
Ana
Preface
Rodrigo da Rocha Loures
old pond -
frog jumps in
sound of water
frog jumps in
sound of water
Almost at the end of my reading of this book, I found a pearl: Zen Master Basho’s haiku, which he wrote while on a journey to Oku, an inhospitable and mysterious region of Japan. The poems written during this journey resulted in a book intriguingly called “Narrow Road to the Interior: A Travel Diary”. Below, I transcribe a text where Tereza, in a profound reflection, shares with us what she sees:
“It must have been a hot summer day: a frog, anxious to cool off its skin, and he meditating on the margin of a lake. Suddenly, Basho is interrupted by the soud of a frog jumping into the water. And he immediately writes one of the most translated poems in the world.”
“I compare the quietness of the place, the stillness of the water, and the compulsory call to reality for both the poet and people like us, who in the face of a new fact in life are suddenly obliged to look at the world with different eyes. Like many, we see ourselves as an old pond of still water, quiet, with an absolutely smooth and perfect surface. Until, all of a sudden, a frog jumps and stirs up this apparent quietness. Noise, splash, chrystaline water spray.”
…And suddenly, through this epiphany that only poetry can bring about, I understood that the entire experience that brought this book into being was fully contained in this haiku.
In Bashô’s “old tank”, water represents life.
The contact of the frog with the water surface is an incident that begins as just a small stir, but goes on growing until it creates a new reality that changes the old pond completely.
And, finally, there is the frog and the act of leaping.
From the combination of the poem’s three symbols – “old pond”, “frog’s leap”, and “water movement” – results Hope.
The hope of changing, connoted by the frog’s leap metaphor, the uncertainties and fears experienced in space and time spent between the start and finishing points, undergoing the inevitable journey to the unknown while in the air without the security provided by the ground, can mean both life and death, a one-way adventure.
Having jumped, the frog is suspended, unsupported, having before him just the expectation of where and when he will feel safe again. He is setting out on a journey with no guarantees, but where Hope is renewed.
This is how, facing Life and Death; Fear and Courage; Sickness and Cure, and standing behind their decision to jump, that Bia and Tereza set out on a journey of Faith.
Hope
From the day she was born, 25 years ago, Bia and her family have had to look for a cure to a congenital disease. Doctors, appointments, exams, rooms – not just waiting rooms – but also rooms filled with meetings and separations from other patients, hopes, frustrations. Too many years...!
But…, one day, like in the old pond, something new happened, and the waters were stirred. Tereza and Bia went to a hospital in São Paulo to give Christmas presents to doctors and friends. The, in a hallway, totally unexpectedly, they meet Izamar and Rafaela, mother and daughter who were there for the same purpose. They were long time friends from “good old” waiting rooms and, Rafaela, who had suffered from the same disease, was now completely healed.
Izamar and Rafaela said that they had tried to locate Tereza and her daughter, so that Bia could contact the same American medical team that had treated Rafaela. And just as the frog took the quiet surface of the water by surprise, stirring it up with new movements, with incommensurable and unforeseeable irradiating and expanding effects, a new hope for cure rippled through Bia’s and Tereza’s hearts.
The Appreciative Look:
“The eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your eye is sound, your whole body will be full of light; but if your eye is not sound, your whole body will be full of darkness.”(Mt. 6: 22-23)
This biblical look certainly accompanied Bia and Tereza, which is confirmed by the following statement:
nd so it was that in the morning of March 10, a few hours after Bia’s surgery, still worried and sleepless, I took pictures of the sunrise. The sun, rising from the early morning darkness illuminating, little by little, buildings, trees, cars, people, translated all the faith and hope for cure I had in God and Dr. Suen and his knowledgeable team. To me it meant the light that would brighten up Bia’s future path. And so, I thought of her bathed in light, ready to shine in all her splendor as God’s child.”
Tereza makes it very clear to us what was the look she chose to adopt.
But the Bible also tells us that Faith without concrete action is dead. So, Tereza (Caregiver) got ready to go to work, guided by her heart, presenting not only her daughter, but also all of those she is in contact with – including us, the readers of this book and testimony – with a gift of Love.
An Appreciative Inquiry
Tereza says the success of her journey is the result of her training in Appreciative Inquiry. This learning and personal/organizational development methodology created by David Cooperrider has been extremely successful everywhere it has been properly applied. I am a witness of its effectiveness, both in my personal life and in Nutrimental – a company I participate in – and in several programs at FIEP.
Traditionally, many people, and even organizations, for that matter, see themselves as a problem to be solved, and the work method they adopt start with the creation of a list of problems. They look for the root causes and then they set out to devise and implement solutions. The main frame of reference for this kind of planning hinges on the past.
There is a big difference between this method and Appreciative Inquiry. In the latter, the focus is not on the problem, but rather in the construction of a desirable future based on strengths. The individual, or the organization, stop being perceived as a problem to be solved and are instead seen as the solution itself, as potential, as a mystery to be unveiled and developed.
One aspect that differentiates Appreciative Inquiry from other personal development methodologies is that images of the future emerge from positive examples occurred in the past. These images become viable because they are based on extraordinary moments of the individual’s, or the organization’s, existence. The principal frame of reference for planning is the future we want to create.
Its basic work tool is the Appreciative Interview Protocol; a critical part carefully developed to guide the whole learning and change effort. The ingenious and creative book-manual written by Tereza and Bia exhibit the properties of a self-applicable appreciative research script, geared to the recovery of human potential, and having as its motto the ethics of care.
Instilled with this elevated purpose, Tereza and Bia share with the reader, suggestions and attitudes that can change the daily routines of both Caregiver and the Loved One (Care Recipient) into something positive and enriching. But what we learn as we go on turning the pages is not what the book suggests in concrete terms. It is, rather, an exercise of sensitivity that our spirit, little by little, is being exposed to.
This sensitivity actually becomes the effective tool of change, as if, gradually and aware of the impact that everything around us has on our feelings, we woke up from a kind of anesthesia and, coming out of this immobility, we generated in ourselves the movements needed for cure. And, once again, I think that, “if the eye is sound (loving), all our whole body will be full of light [and healthy].”
” eyes, together with the “physical” ones, chose to perceive from then on, what love is, and then, beginning with this book, the two of them start being filled with light and showing, as if with a lantern, how to exercise the Christ in our lives.
“Give Christ to the world, don’t keep Him for yourself; and doing so, do it with your hands.” – Mother Teresa of Calcutta
Tereza and Bia changed static energy (potential), the feeling of pure and free love, into kinetic energy. That is, “practical actions of love”. What they are proposing here is to illustrate how in everyday life, step by step, from an attitude of love, an appreciative attitude, and “good eyes”, they were sensitized by the practices of love, and how it acted positively in the molecules of their bodies – explained by quantum physics – allowing cure to find its way in.
Looking at Bia (Loved One), we see her physical cure and can be sure that, in her soul and spirit, Tereza (Caregiver) was also healed. And very likely, all of those who were so close to them throughout the whole process – medical team, group of friends from Little Rock – were also healed in some degree.
So, infused with kinetic energy, some molecules activated others and were all equally benefited. Otherwise, how else could we understand Teresa of Calcutta’s touching the untouchables, witnessing and working amidst so much suffering, while at the same time staying healthy enough to go on giving more and more?!
The Ethics of Care
Giving care is at the core of human nature. It establishes a relationship of affection with reality. For such, we must use our thought, our senses, perceptions, and relationships, simultaneously. Daniel Goleman, in his book called Emotional Intelligence, quotes advanced studies about the movement of neurons in the human brain, which show that its first reaction is affection. Thought kicks in only after a few seconds.
That is, we feel reality before thinking about it. We believe that this inner device is part of a divine self-protection logic that impels us to watch over one another, and, ultimately, ensure life on this planet.
This book-manual, wisely and lovingly written by Tereza and Bia is a living example of these premises, and suggests that the Ethics of Care is the path leading to individual and global cure. The pungent story of the authors’ lives reveals the extraordinary power of our senses, when they are properly supported by loving solidarity relationships in touch with our divine dimension. Its spiritual level is a source of inspiration and strength, while its technical side provides a method.
We are at the brink of destroying our biosphere. Today’s world is sick and begs to be guided by a new set of expectations – migration from an EGO-based system to an ECO-based one. Everything points to the urgent need for Care. Development of a new attitude, and practical knowledge, become critical for healing both the parts (individuals-communities) and the whole (humankind-nature). We are now faced with a unique mobilization opportunity in which to build a New Culture, that of the Ethics of Care.
Much has been said about ethics, but these words and concepts grow to be dry and hollow if they do not contemplate the practical and deep side of care and support that it implies – its spiritual and social dimensions. The Ethics of Care happens through correct action. This book-manual is the authors’ contribution to all of those who feel the calling to join the ranks of care.
This calling is implied in the intriguing quote from I CHING, at the end of this book. This source of millennial knowledge suggests that, as the praxis of care is disseminated, the building of a new culture will be taking place. A change of community behaviors. A natural transformation of the world. Because when we do something good, we are automatically included as part of the energy chain created by this gesture, and become partially responsible for the process until the very end. A growing number of individuals have been sensitized by this ethics. However, the great challenge lies in reinforcing humanity through the Ethics of Care.
This book does its part. It basically shows us how through positive relationships (Appreciative), how going through life with a good eye, and doing good, we are led towards cure, which, in turn comes from love. Tereza and Bia, in their mother-daughter relationship, found in their own frames of reference daily exercises and thorough and caring practices in everything they saw or did. Thus, their days were filled with light and cure through their loving eyes. The beneficial effects can be felt until now, in the production of this book, which includes suggestions which, practiced under the spirit of faith, love, and charity, are reflected in Luke 6:38: “give, and it will be given to you; good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For the measure you give will be the measure you get back.”
Tereza and Bia chose the best part, that of practicing Love.
Introduction
This small book gives an account of a unique experience my daughter Beatriz (Bia) and I went through in Little Rock, Arkansas (USA), in 2007. Bia needed corrective surgery for a congenital venous malformation, a medical procedure that could not be performed in Brazil. So, there we were, in Arkansas Children’s Hospital, where we had the chance to observe how the Caregivers’ network operates, and to live through experiences that helped us strengthen ourselves and dodge loneliness, sadness, fear, and uncertainty.
Together, we decided to put our experience on paper and, much to our surprise, we realized that everything ultimately boiled down to putting together the best in terms of energy and feelings from all parties involved: family and friends; physicians and nurses; work colleagues; prayer groups; party groups; Brazilians living in Little Rock and their American friends.
As for me, I felt that my training and certification from Case Western Reserve University on the Appreciative Inquiry methodology, developed by David Cooperrider with the purpose of bringing out excellence in people, in several life situations, had a prodigious impact on Bia’s recovery and on my strength as a Caregiver.
I must explain that my awareness of this fact was not perceived until we returned to Brazil, almost five months later, when all the suggestions about cure and healing had already been written down. I believe that, somehow, I assimilated the methodology and applied it unconsciously, adapting it to the situation in which we found ourselves.
This made it very clear to us that positive thinking, of any kind, brought about by the application of the Appreciative Inquiry methodology re-activates nervous cell patterns in our brain, which are associated with physical and mental well-being.
Thinking back, I also see that God gave us this opportunity so that we would be able to tell, in simple and direct language, and to many people that are also being tried as Caregivers, that it is possible to help cure those under our care, while at the same time preserving our physical, mental, and spiritual health as Caregivers.
So, when you decide to put our suggestions into practice, we would like you to feel you are keeping company with us: Yes! You, who are sitting with our book in your hands, ready to act. We are on your side, supporting you. We are opening up our souls and minds to learn about other people’s knowledge, sharing this wonderful experience that exchanging emotions is. Emotions are powerful, because they are personal and unique to each one of us. Knowing about them is worthwhile.
THIS BOOK IS INTENDED TO…
Become a most desired source of inspiration to:
And most specially, to a good part of the Brazilian population, who should be getting ready to care for, by 2025, the world’s 6th larger aging population, that is, 23 million people aged 75 and older. According to IBGE, the elderly population grows by 650 thousand yearly, a figure that will have a strong impact particularly on the health sector. Chronic-degenerative pathologies like stroke, heart ischemia, neoplasia, diabetes, Alzheimer’s, senility, and partial or total immobility are going to demand an increasingly larger and more complex apparatus, and better well-equipped hospitals, with better equipment and well-prepared physicians. These factors – aggravated by loneliness (caused by smaller family units, where both husband and wife are out to work and therefore unable to provide care) and the low socio-economic level of most part of the elderly population – will demand cooperation and much compassion from the general society for their ailing fellow citizens.
Even though this is a disturbing scenario, the nation has to get ready to face this challenge. This manual aims at providing support and motivation for Caregivers in charge of this huge population of aging people.
THIS BOOK INTENDS TO…
Together, we decided to put our experience on paper and, much to our surprise, we realized that everything ultimately boiled down to putting together the best in terms of energy and feelings from all parties involved: family and friends; physicians and nurses; work colleagues; prayer groups; party groups; Brazilians living in Little Rock and their American friends.
As for me, I felt that my training and certification from Case Western Reserve University on the Appreciative Inquiry methodology, developed by David Cooperrider with the purpose of bringing out excellence in people, in several life situations, had a prodigious impact on Bia’s recovery and on my strength as a Caregiver.
I must explain that my awareness of this fact was not perceived until we returned to Brazil, almost five months later, when all the suggestions about cure and healing had already been written down. I believe that, somehow, I assimilated the methodology and applied it unconsciously, adapting it to the situation in which we found ourselves.
This made it very clear to us that positive thinking, of any kind, brought about by the application of the Appreciative Inquiry methodology re-activates nervous cell patterns in our brain, which are associated with physical and mental well-being.
Thinking back, I also see that God gave us this opportunity so that we would be able to tell, in simple and direct language, and to many people that are also being tried as Caregivers, that it is possible to help cure those under our care, while at the same time preserving our physical, mental, and spiritual health as Caregivers.
So, when you decide to put our suggestions into practice, we would like you to feel you are keeping company with us: Yes! You, who are sitting with our book in your hands, ready to act. We are on your side, supporting you. We are opening up our souls and minds to learn about other people’s knowledge, sharing this wonderful experience that exchanging emotions is. Emotions are powerful, because they are personal and unique to each one of us. Knowing about them is worthwhile.
THIS BOOK IS INTENDED TO…
Become a most desired source of inspiration to:
Health Professionals
Caregivers, be them relatives, friends, or voluntaries
Spiritual Counselors
Parents
Teachers
All of those who are called upon to nourish,
With the best of their Love,
Their neighbors,
Who are
Sick in body
Sick in spirit
Or sick in their soul.
Caregivers, be them relatives, friends, or voluntaries
Spiritual Counselors
Parents
Teachers
All of those who are called upon to nourish,
With the best of their Love,
Their neighbors,
Who are
Sick in body
Sick in spirit
Or sick in their soul.
And most specially, to a good part of the Brazilian population, who should be getting ready to care for, by 2025, the world’s 6th larger aging population, that is, 23 million people aged 75 and older. According to IBGE, the elderly population grows by 650 thousand yearly, a figure that will have a strong impact particularly on the health sector. Chronic-degenerative pathologies like stroke, heart ischemia, neoplasia, diabetes, Alzheimer’s, senility, and partial or total immobility are going to demand an increasingly larger and more complex apparatus, and better well-equipped hospitals, with better equipment and well-prepared physicians. These factors – aggravated by loneliness (caused by smaller family units, where both husband and wife are out to work and therefore unable to provide care) and the low socio-economic level of most part of the elderly population – will demand cooperation and much compassion from the general society for their ailing fellow citizens.
Even though this is a disturbing scenario, the nation has to get ready to face this challenge. This manual aims at providing support and motivation for Caregivers in charge of this huge population of aging people.
THIS BOOK INTENDS TO…
Humbly inform
Respectfully suggest
Wholeheartedly share
Respectfully suggest
Wholeheartedly share
Understanding before caregiving
Caregiver is a term used in the United States for people who take care of or care for the health of people in hospitals, elderly homes, who are suffering from diseases like Alzheimer’s, cancer, or mental illnesses. It is a huge network, with physical and virtual addresses, that includes specialized magazines and journals, specialized clothing stores, ergonomically designed furniture, and several other amenities.
Cure, comes from the Latin word from cura which means “care, concern”; its synomym heal, from wholeness, which designates the whole, physical and spiritual completeness. Care, comes from the Old English word carian, cearian “to feel concern or interest”.
Care, then, means attention, zeal, and dedication to those who have fallen ill – physically, mentally, or spiritually – naturally involving encouragement, protection, and health recovery practices. Care is present in human life from cradle to tomb. All we have to do is to observe the several types of care provided in the course of a person’s life: pre-natal care, care at birth; care taken in raising children and adolescents; care not to expose entire populations to risky or hazardous situations; care not to contaminate waters, rivers, or polluting the air, the environment; care in keeping a family heirloom. So, care is associated with man as an individual and man in relation to his fellow men, to the environment, and to his own spirituality.
Plant Care – Reap Gratitude.
Cure, comes from the Latin word from cura which means “care, concern”; its synomym heal, from wholeness, which designates the whole, physical and spiritual completeness. Care, comes from the Old English word carian, cearian “to feel concern or interest”.
Care, then, means attention, zeal, and dedication to those who have fallen ill – physically, mentally, or spiritually – naturally involving encouragement, protection, and health recovery practices. Care is present in human life from cradle to tomb. All we have to do is to observe the several types of care provided in the course of a person’s life: pre-natal care, care at birth; care taken in raising children and adolescents; care not to expose entire populations to risky or hazardous situations; care not to contaminate waters, rivers, or polluting the air, the environment; care in keeping a family heirloom. So, care is associated with man as an individual and man in relation to his fellow men, to the environment, and to his own spirituality.
Plant Care – Reap Gratitude.
How Care was born
To illustrate the importance of Care we took a very old tale, of Greek origin, retold by Hyginus, who died in the 10th year of our era. Hyginus was a man of several intellectual interests and adapted them to the terms of the Roman culture. What we bring to you, however, is Heidegger’s translation from the Latin original.
“As 'Care' once crossed a stream, she saw some clay: she picked up a piece thoughtfully and began to shape it. While she considered in herself what she had created, Jupiter came up to her. Care asked him to provide spirit to the clay form. This he was pleased to do for her. But when she wished to give her name to her creation, Jupiter would not allow it and said that his name ought to be given to it. While 'Care' and Jupiter argued over the name, the earth (Tellus) came up and wanted the creation to be named after her since she had, afterall, given it a part of her body. The three claimants asked Saturn to settle the matter. And Saturn gave them an apparently just decision as follows: 'You, Jupiter, because you have provided the spirit, should receive the spirit when the creature dies; you, earth, because you provided the body, should receive the body. But because 'Care' first shaped this creature, so should it be that she possesses it as long as it lives. And because the name is subject to dispute, so should it be that it is called "homo", since it is made out of earth ("humus").”
What can be concluded from this tale?
That the task of taking care of and caring for, as it was granted to Care, became the true and eternal essence of human beings. That each individual deserves to be loved and respected, because they were first loved by God and this love must last their whole life long. Care can also be translated as concern, esteem and sense of responsibility for a Loved One or for an object.
Caring for someone’s body is paying attention to the spirit that animates them, said a spiritual master.
Care, in fact, equals another word of four divinely intense letters: Love.
“As 'Care' once crossed a stream, she saw some clay: she picked up a piece thoughtfully and began to shape it. While she considered in herself what she had created, Jupiter came up to her. Care asked him to provide spirit to the clay form. This he was pleased to do for her. But when she wished to give her name to her creation, Jupiter would not allow it and said that his name ought to be given to it. While 'Care' and Jupiter argued over the name, the earth (Tellus) came up and wanted the creation to be named after her since she had, afterall, given it a part of her body. The three claimants asked Saturn to settle the matter. And Saturn gave them an apparently just decision as follows: 'You, Jupiter, because you have provided the spirit, should receive the spirit when the creature dies; you, earth, because you provided the body, should receive the body. But because 'Care' first shaped this creature, so should it be that she possesses it as long as it lives. And because the name is subject to dispute, so should it be that it is called "homo", since it is made out of earth ("humus").”
What can be concluded from this tale?
That the task of taking care of and caring for, as it was granted to Care, became the true and eternal essence of human beings. That each individual deserves to be loved and respected, because they were first loved by God and this love must last their whole life long. Care can also be translated as concern, esteem and sense of responsibility for a Loved One or for an object.
Caring for someone’s body is paying attention to the spirit that animates them, said a spiritual master.
Care, in fact, equals another word of four divinely intense letters: Love.
Sitting beside you
Bia and I are witnesses that cure depends essentially on physical, mental, and spiritual disposition based on sensitivity networks. The senses of vision, hearing, smell, touch, and taste, isolated or in combination, are a generous source of nourishment for both body and mind. Associated with good memories, positive thinking, and promises of a better future, they are a gift to the heart. Spirituality was the incredible force that sustained us in moments that inspired faith, trust, and joy. The subtitle “Feeling to help cure” defines the purpose of our “Sitting Beside You”.
“To Feel is a demanding verb. It requires patience, tolerance, unconditional dedication to other, acceptance, letting go, humility, and wisdom in order to allow one to decide for oneself and for the other”. – Bia
To Feel, in the sense of taking in the other, means listening to the other’s concerns, fears, suffering, while being willing to participate in the other’s destiny, dreams, and quests. Here, I recall the empathy and consideration of Dr. James Suen, who knowing about our loneliness and fears paid us daily visits to find out if we were doing well, if we were eating properly, and brought us movies, CDs, and DVDs of musicals to entertain us. He talked about a wide range of subjects, listened to Bia’s observations and gently insisted on her participation in coming up with answers. Very cautious in prescribing medication and treatments, he patiently went over them with me, spoke slowly to make sure that I clearly understood his recommendations. When the time was right, he took us to meet his family and to gorgeous places around Little Rock. Dr. Suenshine, as my daughter used to call him, intentionally playing with Dr. Suen’s name, not only took care of us, but cared for us. Dr. Suen, with his soft and peaceful voice instills hope and trust through carefully chosen words, and envelops his patients in a cloak of attention and compassion. He is trully a doctor of the body, mind, and spirit.
Feeling to help cure. Cure, in Latin was spelled coera and fitted into a context of love and friendship relationships in which one gives of oneself to focus on the other with dedication and consideration.
Physicist Amit Goswamit, author of the book “The Quantic Physician” adds that, in order to accomplish complete healing processes, that is, of body, mind, and spirit, it is necessary for the medical sciences to adopt a new formula: integrating methods used in conventional medicine (pharmaceutics, surgery, and technology) with alternative medicine practices like homeopathy, acupuncture, meditation, and yoga.
Conversely, modern alternative medicine is recapturing one of the leading therapeutic traditions that advocated that cure is a comprehensive process involving the individual as a whole and not just the part that is in poor health; a Western tradition that goes back to the cult of Asclepius (ca. 2000 B.C.), whose art of healing gave us the father of classic and modern medicine, Hippocrates (460-377 B.C.)
In his sanctuary, in Epidaurus, Greece, Asclepiads stimulated activities associated with dance, music, gymnastics, poetry, rites, and sacred sleep.
There was also the Abaton, an incubation room where the sick were allowed to sleep and dream in communion with the deities that touched them and cured them. The Odeon was the place where one could enjoy soothing music and also write and recite enchanting poems. The Gymnasium was where therapists guided and helped patients with exercises that integrated mind and body. In the Stadium, sports and controlled competition improved muscle tone. The Library was reserved for book consultation, contemplation of works of art and discussions on the most varied subjects.
Bia and I are witnesses that cure results from the bonding between reason – I think, I know my doctor’s reputation, I know the depth of his knowledge and the technology he masters; and sensitivity – I feel, I trust, I want to be healed, combined with the beliefs and expectations of those interacting with the patient. It is a relationship of esteem, affection, and mutual empathy between patient, the healer, the caregiver, and those comprising the sensitivity network.
And to substantiate that the idea above has been championed for a long time, we quote the following words from the Bible:
“Honour a physician with the honour due unto him for the uses which ye may have of him: for the Lord hath created him. And he hath given men skill, that he might be honoured in his marvellous works. With such doth he heal men, of such doth the apothecary make a confection; My son, in thy sickness be not negligent: but pray unto the Lord, and he will make thee whole. Then give place to the physician, for the Lord hath created him: let him not go from thee, for thou hast need of him. There is a time when in their hands there is good success.
For they shall also pray unto the Lord, that he would prosper that, which they give for ease and remedy to prolong life.” (Ecclesiasticus 38: 1-14)
Caregiver will thus be our way of calling those who take care of and care for people who, for one reason or other, depend on Care. The Caregiver must always remember that he or she is body, person, and affection, interacting with another body, person, and affection, that is, the Loved One, the person that has been enfeebled by disease.
Body, a structure made of muscles, blood, nerves, and bones, our primary way of being, of inhabiting, and embracing the world; a structure that also bears dreams, desires, conflicting passions, guilt, joys and sorrows, successes and failures, health and suffering, scars on the skin and in the soul. This is what we are: human-body-soul beings.
We should also take notice that the Loved One, for being this somebody else, should be respected in his/her dignity. Dignity that also invokes clearmindedness, courage, acceptance of reality, absence of pettiness, modesty, discretion, and thoughtfulness not to overburden the other with his/her own misfortunes. Or maybe all of that, but upside down, unconsciously reversed.
Feeling is synonymous with Loving Caregiver.
“To Feel is a demanding verb. It requires patience, tolerance, unconditional dedication to other, acceptance, letting go, humility, and wisdom in order to allow one to decide for oneself and for the other”. – Bia
To Feel, in the sense of taking in the other, means listening to the other’s concerns, fears, suffering, while being willing to participate in the other’s destiny, dreams, and quests. Here, I recall the empathy and consideration of Dr. James Suen, who knowing about our loneliness and fears paid us daily visits to find out if we were doing well, if we were eating properly, and brought us movies, CDs, and DVDs of musicals to entertain us. He talked about a wide range of subjects, listened to Bia’s observations and gently insisted on her participation in coming up with answers. Very cautious in prescribing medication and treatments, he patiently went over them with me, spoke slowly to make sure that I clearly understood his recommendations. When the time was right, he took us to meet his family and to gorgeous places around Little Rock. Dr. Suenshine, as my daughter used to call him, intentionally playing with Dr. Suen’s name, not only took care of us, but cared for us. Dr. Suen, with his soft and peaceful voice instills hope and trust through carefully chosen words, and envelops his patients in a cloak of attention and compassion. He is trully a doctor of the body, mind, and spirit.
Feeling to help cure. Cure, in Latin was spelled coera and fitted into a context of love and friendship relationships in which one gives of oneself to focus on the other with dedication and consideration.
Physicist Amit Goswamit, author of the book “The Quantic Physician” adds that, in order to accomplish complete healing processes, that is, of body, mind, and spirit, it is necessary for the medical sciences to adopt a new formula: integrating methods used in conventional medicine (pharmaceutics, surgery, and technology) with alternative medicine practices like homeopathy, acupuncture, meditation, and yoga.
Conversely, modern alternative medicine is recapturing one of the leading therapeutic traditions that advocated that cure is a comprehensive process involving the individual as a whole and not just the part that is in poor health; a Western tradition that goes back to the cult of Asclepius (ca. 2000 B.C.), whose art of healing gave us the father of classic and modern medicine, Hippocrates (460-377 B.C.)
In his sanctuary, in Epidaurus, Greece, Asclepiads stimulated activities associated with dance, music, gymnastics, poetry, rites, and sacred sleep.
There was also the Abaton, an incubation room where the sick were allowed to sleep and dream in communion with the deities that touched them and cured them. The Odeon was the place where one could enjoy soothing music and also write and recite enchanting poems. The Gymnasium was where therapists guided and helped patients with exercises that integrated mind and body. In the Stadium, sports and controlled competition improved muscle tone. The Library was reserved for book consultation, contemplation of works of art and discussions on the most varied subjects.
Bia and I are witnesses that cure results from the bonding between reason – I think, I know my doctor’s reputation, I know the depth of his knowledge and the technology he masters; and sensitivity – I feel, I trust, I want to be healed, combined with the beliefs and expectations of those interacting with the patient. It is a relationship of esteem, affection, and mutual empathy between patient, the healer, the caregiver, and those comprising the sensitivity network.
And to substantiate that the idea above has been championed for a long time, we quote the following words from the Bible:
“Honour a physician with the honour due unto him for the uses which ye may have of him: for the Lord hath created him. And he hath given men skill, that he might be honoured in his marvellous works. With such doth he heal men, of such doth the apothecary make a confection; My son, in thy sickness be not negligent: but pray unto the Lord, and he will make thee whole. Then give place to the physician, for the Lord hath created him: let him not go from thee, for thou hast need of him. There is a time when in their hands there is good success.
For they shall also pray unto the Lord, that he would prosper that, which they give for ease and remedy to prolong life.” (Ecclesiasticus 38: 1-14)
Caregiver will thus be our way of calling those who take care of and care for people who, for one reason or other, depend on Care. The Caregiver must always remember that he or she is body, person, and affection, interacting with another body, person, and affection, that is, the Loved One, the person that has been enfeebled by disease.
Body, a structure made of muscles, blood, nerves, and bones, our primary way of being, of inhabiting, and embracing the world; a structure that also bears dreams, desires, conflicting passions, guilt, joys and sorrows, successes and failures, health and suffering, scars on the skin and in the soul. This is what we are: human-body-soul beings.
We should also take notice that the Loved One, for being this somebody else, should be respected in his/her dignity. Dignity that also invokes clearmindedness, courage, acceptance of reality, absence of pettiness, modesty, discretion, and thoughtfulness not to overburden the other with his/her own misfortunes. Or maybe all of that, but upside down, unconsciously reversed.
Feeling is synonymous with Loving Caregiver.
You are already a Loving Caregiver
You, sitting in a hospital’s waiting room, anxious for news, tense, because surgery always involves risks; you, with millions of thoughts racing through your mind; you, glancing at the watch every other second; you, who are eager for news, anguishly staring at the door from where the head surgeon will appear to announce the success, or not, of the surgery. You! You are already a Caregiver.
Let’s see why:
1- You have been to several medical centers.
2- You have been given diagnoses, of the most varied kinds; some reassuring, others not so much. Or worse still, controversial.
3- You have browsed the Internet to learn as much as possible about the disease: its causes, its short-and-long-term consequences; possible treatments. Or any alternative that might guarantee survival; but always looking forward to some spiritual or scientific miracle.
4- You have copied the exams to a CD and have sent them to the best specialized centers around the world hoping to get an encouraging diagnostic.
5- You have befriended several people with the same disease, because all of you see the same doctors. If you haven’t yet, get out there and start doing it. It is great to hear their experiences – regardless of their success – not only to learn about alternative treatments, but also to build a solidarity and communication network, which can be invaluable.
6- You have made sure that all family members felt included, that each one was given a task, no matter how trivial.
7- You have asked for moral and spiritual support (prayer groups and positive thinking networks) for you and the Loved One, your family, friends, and coleagues.
We think that anyone going through these phases is already a Loving Caregiver, because these trials called for wisdom to accept reality, accumulate experience, and strength to overcome the emotional and physical limitations that, up to that moment, were downright unthinkable. And you too have become a Loving Caregiver, because you have opened yourself to another person’s pain, becoming a sentient person ready to take in another human being that needs to be loved, touched, and “felt”.
Let’s see why:
1- You have been to several medical centers.
2- You have been given diagnoses, of the most varied kinds; some reassuring, others not so much. Or worse still, controversial.
3- You have browsed the Internet to learn as much as possible about the disease: its causes, its short-and-long-term consequences; possible treatments. Or any alternative that might guarantee survival; but always looking forward to some spiritual or scientific miracle.
4- You have copied the exams to a CD and have sent them to the best specialized centers around the world hoping to get an encouraging diagnostic.
5- You have befriended several people with the same disease, because all of you see the same doctors. If you haven’t yet, get out there and start doing it. It is great to hear their experiences – regardless of their success – not only to learn about alternative treatments, but also to build a solidarity and communication network, which can be invaluable.
6- You have made sure that all family members felt included, that each one was given a task, no matter how trivial.
7- You have asked for moral and spiritual support (prayer groups and positive thinking networks) for you and the Loved One, your family, friends, and coleagues.
We think that anyone going through these phases is already a Loving Caregiver, because these trials called for wisdom to accept reality, accumulate experience, and strength to overcome the emotional and physical limitations that, up to that moment, were downright unthinkable. And you too have become a Loving Caregiver, because you have opened yourself to another person’s pain, becoming a sentient person ready to take in another human being that needs to be loved, touched, and “felt”.
Miracles do happen
Bia and I feel we should tell you, Caregiver, a little about our story, as a way of explaining why we are so keen on helping you to feel in order to help cure.
About 25 years ago, we spent a great deal of our time looking for a cure to a congenital problem our daughter Bia presented at birth. It was first diagnosed as a hemangioma and treated as such until December 2006, when God placed Rafaela Calixto and her mother Izamar in our path.
We had known each other for a long time, because we used to see the same doctors and go to the same hospitals. We kept a friendly relationship and exchanged information for a long time, until we lost contact, due to several changes of address. We met again around Christmas, 2006, by chance, in São Paulo, in one of the floors of the huge AC Camargo Hospital complex, formerly called Hospital do Câncer, on Vergueiro [street]. And, low and behold, neither of us were supposed to have been there, since neither one had made a specific appointment with their doctors. We were there to give them their Christmas presents.
After the initial surprise was over, mother and daughter told us that they had been trying to reach us since they had come back from the United States, four months earlier. They were returning from a three-year stay marked by several surgeries performed by Dr. James Suen’s blessed hands; and Rafaela, fully cured. They had fervently wished Bia the same. In that same night, in her Hadock Lobo apartment, “Rafinha” took shots of Bia, from several angles, e-mailed them to Dr. Suen, and called him to tell him that they had “finally found the girl from Curitiba”.
From then on, Dr. Suen asked us for all kinds of exams for Bia – from the time she was three years old until that date – and gave us hope. He also asked us the question: would you accept being a case in Discovery Channel Health? It is a very successful recently launched American TV series that documents extremely difficult medical cases. It was January 12, 2007. From then on, things happened in vertiginous speed: the Discovery team arrived, headed by producer Brent Henderson, with Brian Sewell and Ivan Capeller to shoot Bia, family, and friends. The hectic preparation for the trip – lots of it – was less stressful thanks to the help of an “army” of friends. We arrived in Little Rock on March 1, after a 16-hour trip, and the surgery was scheduled for March 9. ]
We can guarantee you that miracles do happen. And we wholeheartedly wish that you will get yours, too.
About 25 years ago, we spent a great deal of our time looking for a cure to a congenital problem our daughter Bia presented at birth. It was first diagnosed as a hemangioma and treated as such until December 2006, when God placed Rafaela Calixto and her mother Izamar in our path.
We had known each other for a long time, because we used to see the same doctors and go to the same hospitals. We kept a friendly relationship and exchanged information for a long time, until we lost contact, due to several changes of address. We met again around Christmas, 2006, by chance, in São Paulo, in one of the floors of the huge AC Camargo Hospital complex, formerly called Hospital do Câncer, on Vergueiro [street]. And, low and behold, neither of us were supposed to have been there, since neither one had made a specific appointment with their doctors. We were there to give them their Christmas presents.
After the initial surprise was over, mother and daughter told us that they had been trying to reach us since they had come back from the United States, four months earlier. They were returning from a three-year stay marked by several surgeries performed by Dr. James Suen’s blessed hands; and Rafaela, fully cured. They had fervently wished Bia the same. In that same night, in her Hadock Lobo apartment, “Rafinha” took shots of Bia, from several angles, e-mailed them to Dr. Suen, and called him to tell him that they had “finally found the girl from Curitiba”.
From then on, Dr. Suen asked us for all kinds of exams for Bia – from the time she was three years old until that date – and gave us hope. He also asked us the question: would you accept being a case in Discovery Channel Health? It is a very successful recently launched American TV series that documents extremely difficult medical cases. It was January 12, 2007. From then on, things happened in vertiginous speed: the Discovery team arrived, headed by producer Brent Henderson, with Brian Sewell and Ivan Capeller to shoot Bia, family, and friends. The hectic preparation for the trip – lots of it – was less stressful thanks to the help of an “army” of friends. We arrived in Little Rock on March 1, after a 16-hour trip, and the surgery was scheduled for March 9. ]
We can guarantee you that miracles do happen. And we wholeheartedly wish that you will get yours, too.
A sunrise to remember…
And so it was that, in the morning of March 10, a few hours after Bia’s surgery, still worried and sleepless, I took pictures of the sunrise. The sun, rising from the early morning darkness illuminating, little by little, buildings, trees, cars, people, translated all the faith and hope for cure I had in God and Dr. Suen and his knowledgeable team. To me it meant the light that would brighten up Bia’s future path. And so, I thought of her bathed in light, ready to shine in all her splendor as God’s child.
May this same sun inspire you, Caregiver. And may it flood you with light and love as you care for your Loved One in his or her personal struggle for cure.
May this same sun inspire you, Caregiver. And may it flood you with light and love as you care for your Loved One in his or her personal struggle for cure.
Starting with laughter
Science has definitely proven the great healing power of laughter. Studies conducted in Japan and in Loma Linda, California, concluded that patients who were exposed to laughter had higher immunoglobulin and healthy cell levels.
There is an explanation: hearts and lungs are stimulated by laughter. The heart beats faster and its pressure is temporarily raised. One breathes more deeply and more oxygen is taken to the blood. The body releases endorphins, its natural pain killer, and more immune cells are produced. The body burns 78 more calories than at rest. The diaphragm, facial muscles, and all internal organs are called to engage in a kind of stationary workout.
After you laugh, your muscles and arteries relax. This is wonderful to reduce pain. Your blood pressure also goes down and the pulse rate drops below normal for a few moments. Some investigators claim that this also helps digestion.
The former editor of the “Saturday Review”, Norman Cousins, wrote about his self-cure from a degenerative disease known as Ankylosing Spondylitis (inflammation of one or more vertebrae that tends to immobilize the affected joints), providing a highly illustrative case. His chances of recovery, according to physicians, were one to five hundred. He told his doctors that he was going to stop taking his medication and started to watch all the funny movies he could find in movie catalogs and to read his favorite comics. For his doctors’ astonishment, he recovered his health and resumed his professional activities.
On the day of Bia’s first surgery I was carrying around a small book with biblical excerpts. I opened it at random to the following text: “A cheerful heart is a good medicine, but a downcast spirit dries one up the bones” (Proverbs 17:22).
Later, in a magazine published by the Arkansas Children’s Hospital Friends Foundation, I read and wrote down the sentence: A merry heart makes a cheerful contenance, but low spirits sap a man’s strength”, which I later translated into Portuguese for the Portuguese version of this book.
And according to Bia’s testimonial, she never saw me in low spirits. I could say that life handed me a lemon and I made lemonade. I prefer, however, to quote a Chinese proverb:
You cannot prevent the birds of sadness from passing over your head, but you can prevent their making a nest in your hair.
There is an explanation: hearts and lungs are stimulated by laughter. The heart beats faster and its pressure is temporarily raised. One breathes more deeply and more oxygen is taken to the blood. The body releases endorphins, its natural pain killer, and more immune cells are produced. The body burns 78 more calories than at rest. The diaphragm, facial muscles, and all internal organs are called to engage in a kind of stationary workout.
After you laugh, your muscles and arteries relax. This is wonderful to reduce pain. Your blood pressure also goes down and the pulse rate drops below normal for a few moments. Some investigators claim that this also helps digestion.
The former editor of the “Saturday Review”, Norman Cousins, wrote about his self-cure from a degenerative disease known as Ankylosing Spondylitis (inflammation of one or more vertebrae that tends to immobilize the affected joints), providing a highly illustrative case. His chances of recovery, according to physicians, were one to five hundred. He told his doctors that he was going to stop taking his medication and started to watch all the funny movies he could find in movie catalogs and to read his favorite comics. For his doctors’ astonishment, he recovered his health and resumed his professional activities.
On the day of Bia’s first surgery I was carrying around a small book with biblical excerpts. I opened it at random to the following text: “A cheerful heart is a good medicine, but a downcast spirit dries one up the bones” (Proverbs 17:22).
Later, in a magazine published by the Arkansas Children’s Hospital Friends Foundation, I read and wrote down the sentence: A merry heart makes a cheerful contenance, but low spirits sap a man’s strength”, which I later translated into Portuguese for the Portuguese version of this book.
And according to Bia’s testimonial, she never saw me in low spirits. I could say that life handed me a lemon and I made lemonade. I prefer, however, to quote a Chinese proverb:
You cannot prevent the birds of sadness from passing over your head, but you can prevent their making a nest in your hair.
... and by the“soul-tickling” session
♥ Start by telling funny anecdotes that happened to you. Like the one told by Isabel, a Brazilian who was one of our guardian angels in Bia’s recovery room at the hospital.
Recently arrived in Little Rock, she knew very little English and, at the time, she lived with her sister’s family. One day a man knocked on the door to caution her sister and her children to be careful, because there was a snake in the surroundings. He would kill it, for twenty dollars. The following day, he came back and said that the snake had approximately four feet. Then, Isabel, who didn’t really trust the man, said to her sister in Portuguese: You see, this guy is trying to rip you off. Who has ever heard of a snake with feet, let alone four! General laughter.
☺Tell jokes. Laughter tickles the heart, my kids used to say. And I add: laughter tickles the soul, rejuvenates, and produces fewer wrinkles on the face and in the heart.
Ask the Loved One to tell his or her best annecdotes.
A good idea is to dramatize Reader’s Digest’s sessions like Humor in Uniform; Laughter, the Best Medicine; and Life in These United States.
And a good one, to finish:
A woman sees an old man on the porch of his house, in a wheelchair, and she approaches him:
- I couldn’t help noticing how happy you look. What is your secret for a long and happy life?
- I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day – he said. I also drink several bottles of Scotch a week and I only eat fast food and never exercise!
- Incredible! How old are you?
- Twenty six.
Recently arrived in Little Rock, she knew very little English and, at the time, she lived with her sister’s family. One day a man knocked on the door to caution her sister and her children to be careful, because there was a snake in the surroundings. He would kill it, for twenty dollars. The following day, he came back and said that the snake had approximately four feet. Then, Isabel, who didn’t really trust the man, said to her sister in Portuguese: You see, this guy is trying to rip you off. Who has ever heard of a snake with feet, let alone four! General laughter.
☺Tell jokes. Laughter tickles the heart, my kids used to say. And I add: laughter tickles the soul, rejuvenates, and produces fewer wrinkles on the face and in the heart.
Ask the Loved One to tell his or her best annecdotes.
A good idea is to dramatize Reader’s Digest’s sessions like Humor in Uniform; Laughter, the Best Medicine; and Life in These United States.
And a good one, to finish:
A woman sees an old man on the porch of his house, in a wheelchair, and she approaches him:
- I couldn’t help noticing how happy you look. What is your secret for a long and happy life?
- I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day – he said. I also drink several bottles of Scotch a week and I only eat fast food and never exercise!
- Incredible! How old are you?
- Twenty six.
Positive memories raise self-esteem
Memory is the soul’s home, said Saint Augustine.
Remembering is living, goes the popular saying.
Play a memory game. Motivate the Loved One to participate in memory games involving all senses: of the body and of the soul. Stimulate him or her to name them. If possible, ask them to justify their answers. Good memories restore self-esteem and soothe the soul. They take you back to happy, meaningful moments filled with power and pleasure, unforgettable, not only for their duration, but also for their intensity.
It gets better if you can enrich this game with your own experiences. You will see that this is a very gratifying experience.
Ready?
Go! Chose your memory game:
• The 2 happiest moments of your life.
• The 2 happiest or wildest moments of your childhood.
• The 2 most significant moments of your youth.
• The best moment of your life in the past 5 years.
• The 2 best moments of your professional life.
• The 2 funniest moments of your life.
• The 3 most important days of your life.
• 5 people who marked your life the most.
• 2 cities you would like to visit.
• 2 books you liked best.
• The 2 best movies, theatre plays, or ballets you have ever watched.
• The 2 songs that bring you the happiest memories.
• The best 5 jokes you have ever heard.
Remembering is living, goes the popular saying.
Play a memory game. Motivate the Loved One to participate in memory games involving all senses: of the body and of the soul. Stimulate him or her to name them. If possible, ask them to justify their answers. Good memories restore self-esteem and soothe the soul. They take you back to happy, meaningful moments filled with power and pleasure, unforgettable, not only for their duration, but also for their intensity.
It gets better if you can enrich this game with your own experiences. You will see that this is a very gratifying experience.
Ready?
Go! Chose your memory game:
• The 2 happiest moments of your life.
• The 2 happiest or wildest moments of your childhood.
• The 2 most significant moments of your youth.
• The best moment of your life in the past 5 years.
• The 2 best moments of your professional life.
• The 2 funniest moments of your life.
• The 3 most important days of your life.
• 5 people who marked your life the most.
• 2 cities you would like to visit.
• 2 books you liked best.
• The 2 best movies, theatre plays, or ballets you have ever watched.
• The 2 songs that bring you the happiest memories.
• The best 5 jokes you have ever heard.
The essential touch
Touching, the essential stroke was there with us in our days spent in Little Rock.
“I remember – even while under the effect of morphine – the way my mother massaged me: hands, arms, feet and legs to prevent embolism; the smell of the lavender oil she used to perfume my body during the time I remained bed-ridden, since I went for two weeks without taking a real bath; the constant “cleaning the face and eyes” with a soft tissue; my hand in her hand; the way she combed me; trimmed my nails; the immersion baths she prepared with floral essences, as soon as I could enjoy them. And how I was delighted to feel the freshness of a scented creme on my skin. The warmth and tenderness of the embrace and kiss when she tucked me in at night. All of these moments were very important during my recovery process.” – Bia
In my investigations to find out why touching and stroking are so important in the healing process, I discovered that they play a critical role in our lives. In fact, medical studies revealed delayed psychological and physical development in children who are deprived of physical contact, even if they are well fed and well taken care of. They also prove that premature babies that are massaged gain weight 50% faster than children that are not. They cry less, have a better temper, and are less irritable. They also sleep better and have less apnea.
And even later in life, as adults, we are so deprived of essential touching that unconsciously we go after professional touching in the hands of physicians, hairdressers, masseurs, dance instructors, beauticians, barbers, gynecologists, pedicures, just to mention a few. And we visit “palaces” of touch: discos, dance halls, shoe shiners, bath houses. We also see doctors, physiotherapists, chiropractors, Shiatsu and Reiki professionals to be touched, massaged, heard, inspected, and dealt with in several ways when we feel the body as a whole is not well.
A simple loving touch, which some people see as therapeutic – a hug, holding hands, a kiss on the cheek – can improve people’s health. It has been proven that it drastically reduces post-surgical pain and the need for analgesics, that it reduces headaches caused by tension by 90%, and that it minimizes anxiety in patients hospitalized for long periods of time.
Touching someone is as therapeutic as being touched: the person doing it benefits from it just as the person receiving it.
AND BECAUSE IT IS SO ESSENTIAL…
Massage the Loved One’s body with hydrating or refreshing lotions.
Massage stimulates circulation, dilates blood vessels, relaxes tense muscles and eliminates body toxins through the lymphatic system.
Give immersion baths, if possible. Use soothing bath foam scented with aromas like lavender, for instance.
Wash the Loved One’s hair and comb it nicely and, perhaps, in different ways to change the daily routine.
If the Loved One is a woman, apply some makeup. If it is a child, paint the child’s face with special paints!
Blindfold the person and ask him or her to identify the objects they are touching. If it is an adult, ask them to identify those that remind them of treasured moments. If it is a child, her favorite toys. And what about bringing them animals? Their pet dog or cat?
Write letters with them. Letters to be mailed from the post office. If possible, go through the ritual of writing, folding, putting them in an envelope, addressing the envelope, sticking the stamp. If not, leave something for the Loved One to do and feel useful during this activity.
Cut out interesting or unusal pieces of news cartoons, and comments from newspapers. I used to do that when I was in Little Rock.
The simple involvement in cutting out, writing, folding paper, and addressing an envelope is already great exercise; and meaningful involvement.
Get small souvenirs for nurses, interns, and people in charge of cleaning. Ask the Loved One to help you buy them (if possible). Or ask him or her to help you wrap them; always use colorful paper, of different textures. Give him or her the chance to hand out the gifts.
Always choose bright colored clothes that feel good to the touch for you and the Loved One to wear. Just to show you how clothing is important: my grandfather, on his deathbed, feeling the fabric of my grandmother’s dress asked her – “Why don’t you wear something nicer? You should spend less in your children’s clothes”. In his delirium, my grandfather did not notice that she was wearing a kind of silk that felt a little crumpled to the touch, but very expensive.
“I remember – even while under the effect of morphine – the way my mother massaged me: hands, arms, feet and legs to prevent embolism; the smell of the lavender oil she used to perfume my body during the time I remained bed-ridden, since I went for two weeks without taking a real bath; the constant “cleaning the face and eyes” with a soft tissue; my hand in her hand; the way she combed me; trimmed my nails; the immersion baths she prepared with floral essences, as soon as I could enjoy them. And how I was delighted to feel the freshness of a scented creme on my skin. The warmth and tenderness of the embrace and kiss when she tucked me in at night. All of these moments were very important during my recovery process.” – Bia
In my investigations to find out why touching and stroking are so important in the healing process, I discovered that they play a critical role in our lives. In fact, medical studies revealed delayed psychological and physical development in children who are deprived of physical contact, even if they are well fed and well taken care of. They also prove that premature babies that are massaged gain weight 50% faster than children that are not. They cry less, have a better temper, and are less irritable. They also sleep better and have less apnea.
And even later in life, as adults, we are so deprived of essential touching that unconsciously we go after professional touching in the hands of physicians, hairdressers, masseurs, dance instructors, beauticians, barbers, gynecologists, pedicures, just to mention a few. And we visit “palaces” of touch: discos, dance halls, shoe shiners, bath houses. We also see doctors, physiotherapists, chiropractors, Shiatsu and Reiki professionals to be touched, massaged, heard, inspected, and dealt with in several ways when we feel the body as a whole is not well.
A simple loving touch, which some people see as therapeutic – a hug, holding hands, a kiss on the cheek – can improve people’s health. It has been proven that it drastically reduces post-surgical pain and the need for analgesics, that it reduces headaches caused by tension by 90%, and that it minimizes anxiety in patients hospitalized for long periods of time.
Touching someone is as therapeutic as being touched: the person doing it benefits from it just as the person receiving it.
AND BECAUSE IT IS SO ESSENTIAL…
Massage the Loved One’s body with hydrating or refreshing lotions.
Massage stimulates circulation, dilates blood vessels, relaxes tense muscles and eliminates body toxins through the lymphatic system.
Give immersion baths, if possible. Use soothing bath foam scented with aromas like lavender, for instance.
Wash the Loved One’s hair and comb it nicely and, perhaps, in different ways to change the daily routine.
If the Loved One is a woman, apply some makeup. If it is a child, paint the child’s face with special paints!
Blindfold the person and ask him or her to identify the objects they are touching. If it is an adult, ask them to identify those that remind them of treasured moments. If it is a child, her favorite toys. And what about bringing them animals? Their pet dog or cat?
Write letters with them. Letters to be mailed from the post office. If possible, go through the ritual of writing, folding, putting them in an envelope, addressing the envelope, sticking the stamp. If not, leave something for the Loved One to do and feel useful during this activity.
Cut out interesting or unusal pieces of news cartoons, and comments from newspapers. I used to do that when I was in Little Rock.
The simple involvement in cutting out, writing, folding paper, and addressing an envelope is already great exercise; and meaningful involvement.
Get small souvenirs for nurses, interns, and people in charge of cleaning. Ask the Loved One to help you buy them (if possible). Or ask him or her to help you wrap them; always use colorful paper, of different textures. Give him or her the chance to hand out the gifts.
Always choose bright colored clothes that feel good to the touch for you and the Loved One to wear. Just to show you how clothing is important: my grandfather, on his deathbed, feeling the fabric of my grandmother’s dress asked her – “Why don’t you wear something nicer? You should spend less in your children’s clothes”. In his delirium, my grandfather did not notice that she was wearing a kind of silk that felt a little crumpled to the touch, but very expensive.
On smells and memories
Smell is a quiet sense. When we want to describe a scent we are short of words. We describe it by comparison: floral, mentholated, acrid, sweet, pleasant, unpleasant, resinous, woodsy, citric, fruity, nauseating, stimulating, aphrodisiac, seductive, etc.
Actually, smells forego interpretation. An odor can be extremely nostalgic, because it calls to mind powerful images and emotions. Sensations can be evoked through the nose as they reach the limbic system, which is our remotest memory, in less than 15 seconds!
“I vividly recall the smell of bread and cake that my mother used to bake for the afternoon tea for our apartment neighbors; of the banana paste and waffles, which I could not eat; the pleasant odor of lavender, so refreshing on my body. All this makes me think of the people we used to talk with, laugh with, and share both good and bad moments. And this makes me extremely homesick”. – Bia
Who cannot think of a memorable perfume? When we give perfume as a present, we are offering liquid memory.
Even Jesus received incense as one of his first presents. And who can forget Chanel No. 5, a classic of feminine sensuality, the perfume Marilyn Monroe “slept in”? Perfume subtly call to mind vigor; vital force; all the optimism, the hope and the passion of youth; seduction; enchantment; and involvement, regardless of age. Perfume has the power to render dreams, emotions, and sensations tangible.
Odors remain in the memory and, according to Rudyard Kippling, can speed up the heart rate better than images and sounds.
Who can forget the smell of freshly-baked bread from that special childhood bakery? Or the smell of guava trees, of magnolias or violets in bloom? Rosemary-scented sheets and pillowcases perfuming many a room? The pungent smell of vanilla cookies baked by Granny?
And a little on the intellectual side: would it be possible to read Proust’s beautiful “On Search of Lost Time” if we he had never had that afternoon tea with the famous “madeleines”? A fortunate marriage between taste and smell takes Proust, and the reader, on a walk down memory lane, through an actual tunnel of scented recollections.
And to conclude, some technical data: odors are there from the day we are born. A baby recognizes the mother by the smell. The mother is the closest connection, the source of security, affection, pleasure, nourishment, and hygiene. We smell odors every time we breathe, 23,040 times a day as we inhale 12 cubic meters of air. It takes us 2 seconds to inhale and 3 to exhale; a total of 5 seconds is the time it takes for odor molecules to flow through our system.
We are constantly surrounded by odors: those that enrapture us, the ones emanating from our own body, and those flowing around us. The sense of smell reaches its climax, with 5 million cells involved, in our middle-age years; from then on it starts to decline, as we get older. Patients suffering from Alzheimer’s normally lose the sense of smell along with their memory. Olfactory sensitivity is higher in women than in men, at any age.
On how to exercise the the sense of smell, nothing is better than Hellen Keller’s testimonial, the extraordinary American writer that was born blind:
“Smell is a potent wizard that transports us across a thousand miles and all the years we have lived. The odor of fruits wafts me to my Southern home, to my childish frolics in the peach orchard. Other odors, instantaneous and fleeting, cause my heart to dilate joyously or contract with remembered grief. Even as I think of smells, my nose is full of scents that awake sweet memories of summers gone and ripening grain fields far away.”
Perfume yourself. Perfume your body and the environment, always, and delicately. But do it!
Light up scented candles, scatter around perfume infusors or vases with perfumed flowers.
Think of aromas that bring to mind the best of life.
Take the Loved One to feel after-the-rain aromas, the fragrance of flowers, and the smell of recently mowed grass.
We recommend you do the following exercises – blindfolded or with eyes shut:
Play the game Who wears this perfume?
Get orange, lemon, eucalyptus, laurel or other aromatic leafs and crush them between your fingers. Then, ask the Loved One to identify the aroma. What about trying it with fruits (mangos, star fruits, bananas), flowers (violets, carnations, roses, camellias), spices like pepper, ginger, nutmeg? Or even beverages like wine, brandy, coffee?
Cook a very aromatic dish: what about the Loved One’s favorite dish? Ask him or her to identify it. There are excellent herbs and spices in the market to flavor food. Just to mention a few: basil, oregano, parsley, rosemary, nutmeg, peppers (red, yellow, green, white, black), marjoram, sage, cinnamon, ginger, fennel, clove, saffron, paprika, cumin, mint, and many others.
And finally, sniff the Loved One, much in the northern Brazilian style, that is, an affectionate sniff. And not coincidentally, remember that the Inuit kiss by rubbing noses…
Actually, smells forego interpretation. An odor can be extremely nostalgic, because it calls to mind powerful images and emotions. Sensations can be evoked through the nose as they reach the limbic system, which is our remotest memory, in less than 15 seconds!
“I vividly recall the smell of bread and cake that my mother used to bake for the afternoon tea for our apartment neighbors; of the banana paste and waffles, which I could not eat; the pleasant odor of lavender, so refreshing on my body. All this makes me think of the people we used to talk with, laugh with, and share both good and bad moments. And this makes me extremely homesick”. – Bia
Who cannot think of a memorable perfume? When we give perfume as a present, we are offering liquid memory.
Even Jesus received incense as one of his first presents. And who can forget Chanel No. 5, a classic of feminine sensuality, the perfume Marilyn Monroe “slept in”? Perfume subtly call to mind vigor; vital force; all the optimism, the hope and the passion of youth; seduction; enchantment; and involvement, regardless of age. Perfume has the power to render dreams, emotions, and sensations tangible.
Odors remain in the memory and, according to Rudyard Kippling, can speed up the heart rate better than images and sounds.
Who can forget the smell of freshly-baked bread from that special childhood bakery? Or the smell of guava trees, of magnolias or violets in bloom? Rosemary-scented sheets and pillowcases perfuming many a room? The pungent smell of vanilla cookies baked by Granny?
And a little on the intellectual side: would it be possible to read Proust’s beautiful “On Search of Lost Time” if we he had never had that afternoon tea with the famous “madeleines”? A fortunate marriage between taste and smell takes Proust, and the reader, on a walk down memory lane, through an actual tunnel of scented recollections.
And to conclude, some technical data: odors are there from the day we are born. A baby recognizes the mother by the smell. The mother is the closest connection, the source of security, affection, pleasure, nourishment, and hygiene. We smell odors every time we breathe, 23,040 times a day as we inhale 12 cubic meters of air. It takes us 2 seconds to inhale and 3 to exhale; a total of 5 seconds is the time it takes for odor molecules to flow through our system.
We are constantly surrounded by odors: those that enrapture us, the ones emanating from our own body, and those flowing around us. The sense of smell reaches its climax, with 5 million cells involved, in our middle-age years; from then on it starts to decline, as we get older. Patients suffering from Alzheimer’s normally lose the sense of smell along with their memory. Olfactory sensitivity is higher in women than in men, at any age.
On how to exercise the the sense of smell, nothing is better than Hellen Keller’s testimonial, the extraordinary American writer that was born blind:
“Smell is a potent wizard that transports us across a thousand miles and all the years we have lived. The odor of fruits wafts me to my Southern home, to my childish frolics in the peach orchard. Other odors, instantaneous and fleeting, cause my heart to dilate joyously or contract with remembered grief. Even as I think of smells, my nose is full of scents that awake sweet memories of summers gone and ripening grain fields far away.”
Perfume yourself. Perfume your body and the environment, always, and delicately. But do it!
Light up scented candles, scatter around perfume infusors or vases with perfumed flowers.
Think of aromas that bring to mind the best of life.
Take the Loved One to feel after-the-rain aromas, the fragrance of flowers, and the smell of recently mowed grass.
We recommend you do the following exercises – blindfolded or with eyes shut:
Play the game Who wears this perfume?
Get orange, lemon, eucalyptus, laurel or other aromatic leafs and crush them between your fingers. Then, ask the Loved One to identify the aroma. What about trying it with fruits (mangos, star fruits, bananas), flowers (violets, carnations, roses, camellias), spices like pepper, ginger, nutmeg? Or even beverages like wine, brandy, coffee?
Cook a very aromatic dish: what about the Loved One’s favorite dish? Ask him or her to identify it. There are excellent herbs and spices in the market to flavor food. Just to mention a few: basil, oregano, parsley, rosemary, nutmeg, peppers (red, yellow, green, white, black), marjoram, sage, cinnamon, ginger, fennel, clove, saffron, paprika, cumin, mint, and many others.
And finally, sniff the Loved One, much in the northern Brazilian style, that is, an affectionate sniff. And not coincidentally, remember that the Inuit kiss by rubbing noses…
Exploring taste buds
Human adults have approximately 10 thousand taste buds; rabbits, 17 thousand; parrots only 400; and cows, 25 thousand. Taste buds die and are renovated every week or every ten days. After age 45, they are renewed with reduced intensity, which explains not only why our taste loses its sharpness but also why we miss the delicious and incomparable taste of the treats of our youth. With the tip of our tongue we taste sweets; bitter with the back; sour with the sides, and salty all over the tongue, particularly the frontal portion.
Prepare Your Loved One’s Favorite Dishes
Diet is not necessarily synonymous to bland or bleached food. Even the strictest diet can be attractive to the eye and pleasing to the sense of taste. This made me think of the great Catalan chef, Ferran Adriá, who has a refined food studies center in his culinary school.
Part of his income is devoted to researching menus for people with eating restrictions, and he champions the need to make patients happy through the pleasures of good cuisine. Even if they are on a strict diet.
SEDUCING TASTE BUDS:
The taste buds can be seduced by the colors, shapes, textures, temperatures and aromas of ingredients like the red of strawberries, the sweet perfume of melon, the pungent taste of ginger, the chilliness of sorbet.
Decorate dishes, add a lot of color. Create funny faces, bunnies, and flowers for children.
For adults, write a message like “I love you” with green beans, carrots, asparagus, tomatoes, hard-boiled eggs, whatever your imagination tells you.
Keep in mind the important contribution of nutritionists and specialists in diets for people with diabetes, cancer, uric acid, gluten intolerance as well as reading materials that provide suggestions on foods that help prevent or cure inflammatory processes.
Prepare Your Loved One’s Favorite Dishes
Diet is not necessarily synonymous to bland or bleached food. Even the strictest diet can be attractive to the eye and pleasing to the sense of taste. This made me think of the great Catalan chef, Ferran Adriá, who has a refined food studies center in his culinary school.
Part of his income is devoted to researching menus for people with eating restrictions, and he champions the need to make patients happy through the pleasures of good cuisine. Even if they are on a strict diet.
SEDUCING TASTE BUDS:
The taste buds can be seduced by the colors, shapes, textures, temperatures and aromas of ingredients like the red of strawberries, the sweet perfume of melon, the pungent taste of ginger, the chilliness of sorbet.
Decorate dishes, add a lot of color. Create funny faces, bunnies, and flowers for children.
For adults, write a message like “I love you” with green beans, carrots, asparagus, tomatoes, hard-boiled eggs, whatever your imagination tells you.
Keep in mind the important contribution of nutritionists and specialists in diets for people with diabetes, cancer, uric acid, gluten intolerance as well as reading materials that provide suggestions on foods that help prevent or cure inflammatory processes.
The sounds of cure
Music speaks to us in a powerful way, so much so that many musicians and music theoreticians believe that it is a true language that developed almost at the same time as speech. Foreign language words need translating; wails, cries, screams, joy, chirping, sighs, olés, boos are understood everywhere in the world, with no need for translation. The difference is that words trigger an emotional response only after their emotional meaning has been understood; conversely, because they don’t need translation, musical notes prompt direct emotional responses.
Music can quiet down the heart of violent people, even against their will. Music can calm down even a savage through its “enchanting” power. Its therapeutic power is such that in some intensive care units for patients with heart disease, cancer, Alzheimer’s, mental disorders or depression, classical music is used as an adjuvant in the recovery process.
“My heart, which is so full to overflowing, has often been solaced and refreshed by music when sick and weary”, said Martin Luther (1483-1546).
Therapy through music can be explained: it brings us pleasure. It plays the role of a “stream of reward” in our body: music invades our body, soul, causes goose bumps, uplifts our spirit and sometimes leads us into ecstasy. Good music is that which engages the brain in the right dosage and activates the reward system.
It has been proven that we listen with our whole body. It is very difficult to remain still when we listen to music: our feet start moving back and forth, our hands to move, sometimes we even pretend to hold an invisible baton and start directing, or we spin around in ballet steps. Our bodies dance; so do trees, shrubs and flowers to the whims of the wind; so does the Universe, to a Divine symphony.
Music can quiet down the heart of violent people, even against their will. Music can calm down even a savage through its “enchanting” power. Its therapeutic power is such that in some intensive care units for patients with heart disease, cancer, Alzheimer’s, mental disorders or depression, classical music is used as an adjuvant in the recovery process.
“My heart, which is so full to overflowing, has often been solaced and refreshed by music when sick and weary”, said Martin Luther (1483-1546).
Therapy through music can be explained: it brings us pleasure. It plays the role of a “stream of reward” in our body: music invades our body, soul, causes goose bumps, uplifts our spirit and sometimes leads us into ecstasy. Good music is that which engages the brain in the right dosage and activates the reward system.
It has been proven that we listen with our whole body. It is very difficult to remain still when we listen to music: our feet start moving back and forth, our hands to move, sometimes we even pretend to hold an invisible baton and start directing, or we spin around in ballet steps. Our bodies dance; so do trees, shrubs and flowers to the whims of the wind; so does the Universe, to a Divine symphony.
Comforted and invigorated by music
Each one of us has a special song – a song unique to our spirit, character, and experience. Sometimes it doesn’t even have to be music in the literal meaning of the word. Who doesn’t cheer up just by hearing the “beloved’s” voice? Or who doesn’t feel comforted by the sound of words of love?
My friend from India, Yaso, and her husband Saravanah, both residents of Little Rock – and whose presence at the hospital and our apartment was a blessing for us – taught me an old Hindu tradition. Even when Bia is asleep, talk to her, quietly, whisper words of love, affection, and comfort. This was confirmed by Dr. Suen, who without knowing about Yaso’s advice, asked me to do the same thing after a post-op crisis after Bia’s second surgery. I personally verified that loving words have the great power of soothing and comforting.
If possible, ask a musician – a friend or a commissioned one – a violinist, a saxofonist, a guitarrist or an accordionist to play the Loved One’s favorite songs, starting from the hallway to the bedroom.
If the Loved One is a child, why not a group of clowns? Check out the miracles performed by the Brazilian organization “Doutores da Alegria” (doctors of joy) through Joy, Dedication, Good Humor.
Record the Loved One’s favorite songs in an Ipod, an MP3, a cassette.
“Still in the hospital, Gilson and Suzana, a Brazilian couple living in Little Rock, brought me something that was the best thing during my stay and in the post-op period: an mp3 with recordings of Brazilian songs. Listening to Brazilian sounds helped me relax and, consequently, forget pains and discomforts”. – Bia
Remember and sing lullabyes, and other children’s songs.
In 21st century Japan, mothers are being encouraged to sing lullabyes (komori utá) to their babies. Educators have noticed that children who are sung to become more responsible, secure, and creative adults.
Bring in familiar sounds and noises – parents singing, grandchildren giggling and sending messages, friends talking. You can even record a pet parrot speaking.
Play music from different periods of time and styles. Try to relate them to the context in which they were created. You can play country music, rock, pop, Brazilian popular music, heavy metal, classic, and so on.
Make music together inspired by a happy occasion.
Create musical instruments from unusal materials – matchboxes, PET bottles, seashells, calabashes; fill them with seeds or pebbles – test their varied acoustic potential.
Talk about the sounds you would like to hear: the wind blowing in the trees, seawaves crashing against rocks, the sound of cicadas, guitars in the night.
Personally, I still like to walk on pebble paths. It reminds me of my grandfather carrying me inside a large basket on his back, and the sound of his boots stepping on the pebbles on the road. Reminiscent sounds of a happy and carefree childhood.
Blindfold the Loved One and lead him/her on a walk on an unpaved road, covered with pebbles, and have him/her feel its coarseness and listen to the sounds of the ground under his or her feet.
Go to a garden and have him or her touch and feel the roughness of a tree bark, smell the gentle fragrance of flowers, have them guess the plant he or she is holding in their hands (crush an orange, lemon, eucalyptus or other pungent-smellling leaf).
Stimulate the Loved One to find onomatopoeic words, that is, words that try to imitate the sound of the thing they are describing. Examples: murmur, click, whisper, chirp, oink, buzz, tic-tac, meow, etc.
Or try to create alliterations – repetition of a leading vowel or consonant in the beginning, middle or end of a sentence. A common example in English is “Peter Piper Picked a Peck of Pickled Peppers".
As a reminder of the importance of words, we quote John 1: 1-5:
“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God; all things were made through him, and without him was not anything made that was made. In him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”
The Word is God’s Wisdom that illuminates the consciousness of every man.
My friend from India, Yaso, and her husband Saravanah, both residents of Little Rock – and whose presence at the hospital and our apartment was a blessing for us – taught me an old Hindu tradition. Even when Bia is asleep, talk to her, quietly, whisper words of love, affection, and comfort. This was confirmed by Dr. Suen, who without knowing about Yaso’s advice, asked me to do the same thing after a post-op crisis after Bia’s second surgery. I personally verified that loving words have the great power of soothing and comforting.
If possible, ask a musician – a friend or a commissioned one – a violinist, a saxofonist, a guitarrist or an accordionist to play the Loved One’s favorite songs, starting from the hallway to the bedroom.
If the Loved One is a child, why not a group of clowns? Check out the miracles performed by the Brazilian organization “Doutores da Alegria” (doctors of joy) through Joy, Dedication, Good Humor.
Record the Loved One’s favorite songs in an Ipod, an MP3, a cassette.
“Still in the hospital, Gilson and Suzana, a Brazilian couple living in Little Rock, brought me something that was the best thing during my stay and in the post-op period: an mp3 with recordings of Brazilian songs. Listening to Brazilian sounds helped me relax and, consequently, forget pains and discomforts”. – Bia
Remember and sing lullabyes, and other children’s songs.
In 21st century Japan, mothers are being encouraged to sing lullabyes (komori utá) to their babies. Educators have noticed that children who are sung to become more responsible, secure, and creative adults.
Bring in familiar sounds and noises – parents singing, grandchildren giggling and sending messages, friends talking. You can even record a pet parrot speaking.
Play music from different periods of time and styles. Try to relate them to the context in which they were created. You can play country music, rock, pop, Brazilian popular music, heavy metal, classic, and so on.
Make music together inspired by a happy occasion.
Create musical instruments from unusal materials – matchboxes, PET bottles, seashells, calabashes; fill them with seeds or pebbles – test their varied acoustic potential.
Talk about the sounds you would like to hear: the wind blowing in the trees, seawaves crashing against rocks, the sound of cicadas, guitars in the night.
Personally, I still like to walk on pebble paths. It reminds me of my grandfather carrying me inside a large basket on his back, and the sound of his boots stepping on the pebbles on the road. Reminiscent sounds of a happy and carefree childhood.
Blindfold the Loved One and lead him/her on a walk on an unpaved road, covered with pebbles, and have him/her feel its coarseness and listen to the sounds of the ground under his or her feet.
Go to a garden and have him or her touch and feel the roughness of a tree bark, smell the gentle fragrance of flowers, have them guess the plant he or she is holding in their hands (crush an orange, lemon, eucalyptus or other pungent-smellling leaf).
Stimulate the Loved One to find onomatopoeic words, that is, words that try to imitate the sound of the thing they are describing. Examples: murmur, click, whisper, chirp, oink, buzz, tic-tac, meow, etc.
Or try to create alliterations – repetition of a leading vowel or consonant in the beginning, middle or end of a sentence. A common example in English is “Peter Piper Picked a Peck of Pickled Peppers".
As a reminder of the importance of words, we quote John 1: 1-5:
“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God; all things were made through him, and without him was not anything made that was made. In him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”
The Word is God’s Wisdom that illuminates the consciousness of every man.
III - Wholeheartedly Sharing
Love gives you the strength to wait without despairing, to endure, and face up to everything life presents without giving up; it also has the magic power to convince and move. A little bit of love in our eyes, in our smile, in our job has the power to change hatred into forgiveness; disagreement into union; doubt into faith; despair into hope; sadness into happiness; darkness into light. Love allows us to accept everything we cannot change in life.
Love is the poetry of the senses, said Balzac, the famous French writer.
Love is tenderness, care, and attention. Love is the supreme gift. To love is to exercise the supreme feeling. In these four letters we find forgiveness, goodness, humbleness, patience, perseverance, understanding, compassion, and non-judgement. Setting love into motion is the motto of this chapter. You will shed light into the hearts of so many people; including yours. So, practice love in small dosages. Follow the suggestions below.
Arrange with friends for them to send positive email messages and read them to the Loved One. Ask them to call him/her on the phone.
“I spent almost 45 days unable to speak. So, it was really great when my mother read me cellphone or email messages from Brazil. Or when I heard the voices of relatives and friends over the phone. Or better still, when I was able to buy and have a good laptop at home (thanks to Curt, my American technology expert friend) and be able to communicate, especially through the net called “Bia’s Friends”, a relationship site especially created by our family’s good friend, Creso Moraes. Our loneliness was reduced and it gave us the comfort of knowing that we were being taken care of, even from a distance.” – Bia
Organize visits, small celebrations with family and friends; ask them to send cards and flowers.
“Suzana suggested that the weekly dinner she used to have at her house be held at our apartment. It happened to be Easter Sunday. My mother prepared a delicious meal – Brazilian style – with a banana-based dish (that she prepared herself, enormously successful among Brazilians and Americans) for dessert. Even though I couldn’t eat, or speak, for that matter, it did wonders to break the routine and make me happy”. – Bia
Make up a calendar with a movable magnet marker to mark the progress toward discharge day.
Create a Tree of Life with the Loved One. In many traditions, the tree is used as a profound life metaphore. Thinking about your own tree will allow you to develop a strong sense of self. Start by drawing the roots – what you mean for your household, family, friends, and acquaintances. Now, notice the scars on the trunk: your physical, moral, and spiritual growth process. Then, observe the fruits: your accomplishments. And go on nourishing the buds, because they are your objectives, your dreams, and the cure.
Dig out old family albums. Go through them with the Loved One. Chose a picture where he/she is smiling and ask why.
In this computer era, I copied all my family photos in a CD – those shot in Brazil and the ones shot in Little Rock. So it became much easier to remember good moments and the not so good ones, too.
Help the Loved One to write a diary. Stimulate him/her. It is good to vent your feelings.
Help him/her write poems. Recite them out loud. Something like:
“Dance as if no one was watching you/ Sing as if no one was listening/ Love as if no one has ever hurt you/ Live as if Heaven were here on Earth.”
Sing. I made Bia laugh by singing her an old Carlos Galhardo song, from my childhood, that maybe some “old timers” will remember:
In a free translation into English it would be something like this:
Ricardo, the lucky one/Was always singing/But one day a mean lover/ Almost made/ Ricardo cry.
Sing or whistle/show your happiness/ And like me/Sing that the world is yours…
Motivate and help the Loved One to take short walks. Even if just up and down the hospital hallways.
If possible, go to the garden, go out on errands, go to the supermarket, streetfairs, or shopping malls. On doing so, take full advantage of touching, embracing, smiling. Ask the Loved One to notice the joyful messages conveyed by flowers, the lovely caress of sunrays or breeze on the skin, the beauty in children’s innocent laughter, or even the hurried pace of adults going by.
Always utter words of encouragement: How beautiful you look, you smell good…
Nobody can do this better than you…
Get pillows for protection and support. Sometimes the Loved One has lost so much weight and so much muscle mass that the bones can hurt him/her.
Make origami (paper foldings); paint, sculpt, crochet, knit or embroider.
Stimulate the Loved One to help with house work, like dusting furniture, for instance. Always praise the work done; even if it leaves something to be desired.
Follow nature’s flow. We arrived in March, a time when everything was grey and dry. Little by little, small bursts of green sprang from the ground and from tree trunks. And then, the flowers. Thousands of them: tulips, coloring Saint Vincent’s gardens red and pink. Golden daffodils along the golf field close to our apartment. And several kinds of birds, like robins that herald the arrival of spring, started to visit the gardens, filling them with their songs and colors. Squirrels jumped from tree to tree, from rooftop to rooftop. While it lasted, this gradual change meant that something good and special was around the corner for us.
We also fed pieces of toast to squirrels and birds in the park. It was a feast for our eyes and a passed time; time spent in preparing the feed – and Bia was always worried that I wouln’d have enough bread for the toast – and the happy time spent in sheer enjoyment.
Find kaleidoscopes. They are lots of fun. I bought Bia two of them.
Get stuffed animals. Bia got a bunnyrabbit (from Sheila, on Easter Sunday), a koala (from Tom Adam, the Guest House manager), and a pillow shaped like a piglet, a gift from Fayga. And on Bia’s surgery day, I was feeling so lonely at the hospital, I bought myself a beautiful spotted stuffed cat that kept me company during the 14 hours of surgery, and also during the rest of our time in Little Rock. In the apartment I was the laughing stock, for I was always “talking” to the cat. All these animals traveled back to Curitiba with us.
Take pictures. Send them via cellphone or computer; add messages. It feels good for those who send them as well as for those receiving them.
Decorate the environment. Put up ballons, clowns and puppets for children.
For adults, put up a poster with a favorite soccer team, a favorite actor/actress, a picture of a moment or place in which they were happy.
Get linen with colorful animals or flowers printed on them. Bia got a small blanket from the Children’s Hospital with happy frogs on it and Karin, Dr. Suen’s wife, gave her another one speckled with ladybugs and clovers for luck.
Rent funny movies or favorite musicals to watch.
Keep flowers in the Loved One’s room on a regular basis. Bia and I tended flower vases that, at the end of our stay, were given to the Guest House’s van driver, Rodney, to plant in his garden at home, since he was his church’s regular flowers supplier.
If possible, ask the Loved One to keep a small garden, in vases or flower beds, so that he/she can water, prune, and watch plants grow. They can be flowers of herbs like parsley, onions, marjoram. Handling earth can be a very therapeutic activity.
Love is the poetry of the senses, said Balzac, the famous French writer.
Love is tenderness, care, and attention. Love is the supreme gift. To love is to exercise the supreme feeling. In these four letters we find forgiveness, goodness, humbleness, patience, perseverance, understanding, compassion, and non-judgement. Setting love into motion is the motto of this chapter. You will shed light into the hearts of so many people; including yours. So, practice love in small dosages. Follow the suggestions below.
Arrange with friends for them to send positive email messages and read them to the Loved One. Ask them to call him/her on the phone.
“I spent almost 45 days unable to speak. So, it was really great when my mother read me cellphone or email messages from Brazil. Or when I heard the voices of relatives and friends over the phone. Or better still, when I was able to buy and have a good laptop at home (thanks to Curt, my American technology expert friend) and be able to communicate, especially through the net called “Bia’s Friends”, a relationship site especially created by our family’s good friend, Creso Moraes. Our loneliness was reduced and it gave us the comfort of knowing that we were being taken care of, even from a distance.” – Bia
Organize visits, small celebrations with family and friends; ask them to send cards and flowers.
“Suzana suggested that the weekly dinner she used to have at her house be held at our apartment. It happened to be Easter Sunday. My mother prepared a delicious meal – Brazilian style – with a banana-based dish (that she prepared herself, enormously successful among Brazilians and Americans) for dessert. Even though I couldn’t eat, or speak, for that matter, it did wonders to break the routine and make me happy”. – Bia
Make up a calendar with a movable magnet marker to mark the progress toward discharge day.
Create a Tree of Life with the Loved One. In many traditions, the tree is used as a profound life metaphore. Thinking about your own tree will allow you to develop a strong sense of self. Start by drawing the roots – what you mean for your household, family, friends, and acquaintances. Now, notice the scars on the trunk: your physical, moral, and spiritual growth process. Then, observe the fruits: your accomplishments. And go on nourishing the buds, because they are your objectives, your dreams, and the cure.
Dig out old family albums. Go through them with the Loved One. Chose a picture where he/she is smiling and ask why.
In this computer era, I copied all my family photos in a CD – those shot in Brazil and the ones shot in Little Rock. So it became much easier to remember good moments and the not so good ones, too.
Help the Loved One to write a diary. Stimulate him/her. It is good to vent your feelings.
Help him/her write poems. Recite them out loud. Something like:
“Dance as if no one was watching you/ Sing as if no one was listening/ Love as if no one has ever hurt you/ Live as if Heaven were here on Earth.”
Sing. I made Bia laugh by singing her an old Carlos Galhardo song, from my childhood, that maybe some “old timers” will remember:
In a free translation into English it would be something like this:
Ricardo, the lucky one/Was always singing/But one day a mean lover/ Almost made/ Ricardo cry.
Sing or whistle/show your happiness/ And like me/Sing that the world is yours…
Motivate and help the Loved One to take short walks. Even if just up and down the hospital hallways.
If possible, go to the garden, go out on errands, go to the supermarket, streetfairs, or shopping malls. On doing so, take full advantage of touching, embracing, smiling. Ask the Loved One to notice the joyful messages conveyed by flowers, the lovely caress of sunrays or breeze on the skin, the beauty in children’s innocent laughter, or even the hurried pace of adults going by.
Always utter words of encouragement: How beautiful you look, you smell good…
Nobody can do this better than you…
Get pillows for protection and support. Sometimes the Loved One has lost so much weight and so much muscle mass that the bones can hurt him/her.
Make origami (paper foldings); paint, sculpt, crochet, knit or embroider.
Stimulate the Loved One to help with house work, like dusting furniture, for instance. Always praise the work done; even if it leaves something to be desired.
Follow nature’s flow. We arrived in March, a time when everything was grey and dry. Little by little, small bursts of green sprang from the ground and from tree trunks. And then, the flowers. Thousands of them: tulips, coloring Saint Vincent’s gardens red and pink. Golden daffodils along the golf field close to our apartment. And several kinds of birds, like robins that herald the arrival of spring, started to visit the gardens, filling them with their songs and colors. Squirrels jumped from tree to tree, from rooftop to rooftop. While it lasted, this gradual change meant that something good and special was around the corner for us.
We also fed pieces of toast to squirrels and birds in the park. It was a feast for our eyes and a passed time; time spent in preparing the feed – and Bia was always worried that I wouln’d have enough bread for the toast – and the happy time spent in sheer enjoyment.
Find kaleidoscopes. They are lots of fun. I bought Bia two of them.
Get stuffed animals. Bia got a bunnyrabbit (from Sheila, on Easter Sunday), a koala (from Tom Adam, the Guest House manager), and a pillow shaped like a piglet, a gift from Fayga. And on Bia’s surgery day, I was feeling so lonely at the hospital, I bought myself a beautiful spotted stuffed cat that kept me company during the 14 hours of surgery, and also during the rest of our time in Little Rock. In the apartment I was the laughing stock, for I was always “talking” to the cat. All these animals traveled back to Curitiba with us.
Take pictures. Send them via cellphone or computer; add messages. It feels good for those who send them as well as for those receiving them.
Decorate the environment. Put up ballons, clowns and puppets for children.
For adults, put up a poster with a favorite soccer team, a favorite actor/actress, a picture of a moment or place in which they were happy.
Get linen with colorful animals or flowers printed on them. Bia got a small blanket from the Children’s Hospital with happy frogs on it and Karin, Dr. Suen’s wife, gave her another one speckled with ladybugs and clovers for luck.
Rent funny movies or favorite musicals to watch.
Keep flowers in the Loved One’s room on a regular basis. Bia and I tended flower vases that, at the end of our stay, were given to the Guest House’s van driver, Rodney, to plant in his garden at home, since he was his church’s regular flowers supplier.
If possible, ask the Loved One to keep a small garden, in vases or flower beds, so that he/she can water, prune, and watch plants grow. They can be flowers of herbs like parsley, onions, marjoram. Handling earth can be a very therapeutic activity.
Spirituality and Health
Practices like praying and meditation have increasingly become the target of studies by health investigators. In several countries they have been studying the effects of faith on the human body. More than half (56%) of all health professionals in the United States said they believe that religion and spirituality have a significant impact on the health of patients. The explanation may lie in the fact that individuals who have faith also have a stronger social network, they see meaning in life, which helps them to live better, with more hope, and with a more positive attitude.
“Before leaving for Little Rock, I got two books: the Jabez Prayer, given to me by Tiago, a long-time friend from my university days, and “Como tomar posse da Bênção” (How to take possession of hope)a gift from Floriano Galeb, from the Augusto Prolik Law Company. I read them both and they were sources of comfort and revelation to me. My mother, I knew, prayed every day, in the morning and at night, and lit candles. She also meditated. I think that much of my strength came from her serenity and optimism, which she got from her profound faith. And also from the prayer network formed by family, friends, and even people we didn’t know. Thanks to my mother’s belonging to an entity called URI – United Religions Initiative, linked to the UN, an umbrella organization for people with the most varied religions, beliefs and faiths worldwide, I was able to benefit from the support of God, Alah, Buda, Mohammed, Brahma, Orixás and Xamãs. I came to the conclusion that the denomination is not important as long as it involves a supreme being: the effect of faith on the body is a fact.” – Bia
Corroborating Bia’s words, American physician Herbert Benson, from Harvard, in 30 years of research tells us in his book called “Spiritual Medicine”, that firm belief in something, most of all in a superior being, produces a highly benefitial effect on physical health. He says: In my scientific observations I learned that it doesn’t matter what name we call the Absolute Infinite we worship, or which theology we identify with; the results of believing in God are the same.
Rafaela Calixto and her mother Izamar are unanimous in reaffirming that their unwavering faith in God has been, and goes on being, their great source of support for the past 25 years, which enabled them to overcome the stress of having to cope with more than 270 surgical procedures.
Biologist Elisa Harumi Kozasa, from the Psychobiology Department of Unifesp (Federal University of São Paulo), carries out studies on how meditation can help in treating anxiety, and participates in the Mind and Life Research Institute, an international event that has been gathering neuroscientists, quantic physicists, Buddhists – including the Dalai Lama – since 1987.
Elisa assures us that meditation is used in the Western world successfully to treat anxiety, hypertension, and cardiovascular diseases. And that if it is applied at deeper levels it can be the way to improve people’s health, nourish the spirit, learn more about oneself, regardless of religious belief.
A Brazilian research project headed by Carlos Eduardo Tosta, investigator from the University of Brasilia’s Immunology Lab, has shown evidence of the effect of prayer on human cells. The study was carried out on 52 voluntaries (the university’s medical students) and it showed that one of the body’s main defense mechanisms – phagocytosis – can be stabilized through prayer. Every week, two people provided blood samples and filled out a questionnaire on stress. One of these voluntaries had his picture sent to ten religious individuals, of different denominations, who prayed for that person, weekly. The methodology used prevented Tosta and the students from knowing who the object of the prayer group was in order to rule out self-suggestion.
After a week of prayer, blood analysis showed that the individuals who had been the object of prayer by the religious prayer group showed greater phagocytic stability by comparison with previous exams. The experiment was repeated once more with the other group of students that had not been the object of prayer, and the phenomenon was verified once again.
Likewise, cardiologist Randolph Byrd observed 393 patients from The San Francisco General Hospital’s cardiac unit, who were the objects of prayer by several home-based prayer groups, from a distance.
The 393 patients were subdivided into two groups: a group of 192 patients that were the object of prayer by four to seven different people, and a control group with 201 people, who did not benefit from prayer. Physician and patients did not know which group they belonged to. Byred concluded that the effect of prayer, even from a distance, was remarkably positive. For example, the patients that received the prayer needed 5 times less the amount of antibiotics and showed 3 times less propensity for accumulating fluid in the lungs, a statistically significant result.
These evidences are corroborated by a study conducted by psychiatrist Alexander Moreira, coordinator of NUPES – Spirituality and Health Center of the Federal University of Juiz de Fora. He enumerates a series of benefits that can be associated to spirituality: fewer depression symptoms; higher optimism rates; high self-esteem; less risky behavior; lower drug, alcohol, and cigarette consumption; longer life expectancy and enhanced well-being; improved immune system; greater ease in facing and addressing problems; and less stress.
In conclusion, praying nurtures and cures the body, regardless of religious denomination or theology. We can believe in God quietly and introspectively, or in a loud way. Either way we will reap the benefits of cure.
“Before leaving for Little Rock, I got two books: the Jabez Prayer, given to me by Tiago, a long-time friend from my university days, and “Como tomar posse da Bênção” (How to take possession of hope)a gift from Floriano Galeb, from the Augusto Prolik Law Company. I read them both and they were sources of comfort and revelation to me. My mother, I knew, prayed every day, in the morning and at night, and lit candles. She also meditated. I think that much of my strength came from her serenity and optimism, which she got from her profound faith. And also from the prayer network formed by family, friends, and even people we didn’t know. Thanks to my mother’s belonging to an entity called URI – United Religions Initiative, linked to the UN, an umbrella organization for people with the most varied religions, beliefs and faiths worldwide, I was able to benefit from the support of God, Alah, Buda, Mohammed, Brahma, Orixás and Xamãs. I came to the conclusion that the denomination is not important as long as it involves a supreme being: the effect of faith on the body is a fact.” – Bia
Corroborating Bia’s words, American physician Herbert Benson, from Harvard, in 30 years of research tells us in his book called “Spiritual Medicine”, that firm belief in something, most of all in a superior being, produces a highly benefitial effect on physical health. He says: In my scientific observations I learned that it doesn’t matter what name we call the Absolute Infinite we worship, or which theology we identify with; the results of believing in God are the same.
Rafaela Calixto and her mother Izamar are unanimous in reaffirming that their unwavering faith in God has been, and goes on being, their great source of support for the past 25 years, which enabled them to overcome the stress of having to cope with more than 270 surgical procedures.
Biologist Elisa Harumi Kozasa, from the Psychobiology Department of Unifesp (Federal University of São Paulo), carries out studies on how meditation can help in treating anxiety, and participates in the Mind and Life Research Institute, an international event that has been gathering neuroscientists, quantic physicists, Buddhists – including the Dalai Lama – since 1987.
Elisa assures us that meditation is used in the Western world successfully to treat anxiety, hypertension, and cardiovascular diseases. And that if it is applied at deeper levels it can be the way to improve people’s health, nourish the spirit, learn more about oneself, regardless of religious belief.
A Brazilian research project headed by Carlos Eduardo Tosta, investigator from the University of Brasilia’s Immunology Lab, has shown evidence of the effect of prayer on human cells. The study was carried out on 52 voluntaries (the university’s medical students) and it showed that one of the body’s main defense mechanisms – phagocytosis – can be stabilized through prayer. Every week, two people provided blood samples and filled out a questionnaire on stress. One of these voluntaries had his picture sent to ten religious individuals, of different denominations, who prayed for that person, weekly. The methodology used prevented Tosta and the students from knowing who the object of the prayer group was in order to rule out self-suggestion.
After a week of prayer, blood analysis showed that the individuals who had been the object of prayer by the religious prayer group showed greater phagocytic stability by comparison with previous exams. The experiment was repeated once more with the other group of students that had not been the object of prayer, and the phenomenon was verified once again.
Likewise, cardiologist Randolph Byrd observed 393 patients from The San Francisco General Hospital’s cardiac unit, who were the objects of prayer by several home-based prayer groups, from a distance.
The 393 patients were subdivided into two groups: a group of 192 patients that were the object of prayer by four to seven different people, and a control group with 201 people, who did not benefit from prayer. Physician and patients did not know which group they belonged to. Byred concluded that the effect of prayer, even from a distance, was remarkably positive. For example, the patients that received the prayer needed 5 times less the amount of antibiotics and showed 3 times less propensity for accumulating fluid in the lungs, a statistically significant result.
These evidences are corroborated by a study conducted by psychiatrist Alexander Moreira, coordinator of NUPES – Spirituality and Health Center of the Federal University of Juiz de Fora. He enumerates a series of benefits that can be associated to spirituality: fewer depression symptoms; higher optimism rates; high self-esteem; less risky behavior; lower drug, alcohol, and cigarette consumption; longer life expectancy and enhanced well-being; improved immune system; greater ease in facing and addressing problems; and less stress.
In conclusion, praying nurtures and cures the body, regardless of religious denomination or theology. We can believe in God quietly and introspectively, or in a loud way. Either way we will reap the benefits of cure.
Now, let's speak with God
Praying is, in fact, establishing a dialog with God.
Speaking with God means thanking for the graces received at the end of the day and asking Him to carry us in his arms tomorrow.
Jabez’s Prayer. We said it everyday, whenever necessary. It is, in fact, a short text in 1 Chronicles 4:9-10. Hidden in the middle of the description of Israel’s family tree, is the story of a man who was destined to a life of failure. “Jabez was more honorable than his brothers; and his mother called his name Jabez, saying, “because I bore him in pain.”Jabez called on the God of Israel, saying, “Oh that thou wouldst bless me and enlarge my border, and that thy hand might be with me, and that thou wouldst keep me from harm so that it might not hurt me!”And God granted what he asked.”
Human beings, because they were created in the image of God, can and must cultivate the divine, open up to a dialog with God, trust Him with their fate and try to find in Him the meaning of death.
Attend messes and cults; whenever possible, in someone else’s company.
In Little Rock, the couple Tom and Judy Adam, Reverend Del Farris, and especially Pastor Sidney Carswell (who spoke Portuguese because he had lived in Itacoatiara, in the Amazon, for 16 years) were my spiritual supporters. And Jean Sutowski, my neighbor, was a regular company to Sunday mess, at the Our Lady of the Holy Souls Church.
Meditate, alone or in group.
The course on meditation I took at Brahma Kumaris, many years ago, was one of my strengths. As a Caregiver, I can avow that this conversation channel with God, extremely intimist, is an unparallel energy disseminator that feeds the inner flame of contemplation and prayer so that the flame of faith, love and mercy will never go out.
According to Leonardo Boff, caring for the spirit means caring for the values that grant life its significance, and for the meanings that generate hope for what lies beyond. Caring for the spirit means placing ethical commitments above personal or collective interests. It means specially caring for the spirit by experiencing God in everything, allowing Him to be permanently born and reborn in your hearts. Thus, we will be prepared with serenity and youthfulness for the last journey and the great encounter.
Speaking with God means thanking for the graces received at the end of the day and asking Him to carry us in his arms tomorrow.
Jabez’s Prayer. We said it everyday, whenever necessary. It is, in fact, a short text in 1 Chronicles 4:9-10. Hidden in the middle of the description of Israel’s family tree, is the story of a man who was destined to a life of failure. “Jabez was more honorable than his brothers; and his mother called his name Jabez, saying, “because I bore him in pain.”Jabez called on the God of Israel, saying, “Oh that thou wouldst bless me and enlarge my border, and that thy hand might be with me, and that thou wouldst keep me from harm so that it might not hurt me!”And God granted what he asked.”
Human beings, because they were created in the image of God, can and must cultivate the divine, open up to a dialog with God, trust Him with their fate and try to find in Him the meaning of death.
Attend messes and cults; whenever possible, in someone else’s company.
In Little Rock, the couple Tom and Judy Adam, Reverend Del Farris, and especially Pastor Sidney Carswell (who spoke Portuguese because he had lived in Itacoatiara, in the Amazon, for 16 years) were my spiritual supporters. And Jean Sutowski, my neighbor, was a regular company to Sunday mess, at the Our Lady of the Holy Souls Church.
Meditate, alone or in group.
The course on meditation I took at Brahma Kumaris, many years ago, was one of my strengths. As a Caregiver, I can avow that this conversation channel with God, extremely intimist, is an unparallel energy disseminator that feeds the inner flame of contemplation and prayer so that the flame of faith, love and mercy will never go out.
According to Leonardo Boff, caring for the spirit means caring for the values that grant life its significance, and for the meanings that generate hope for what lies beyond. Caring for the spirit means placing ethical commitments above personal or collective interests. It means specially caring for the spirit by experiencing God in everything, allowing Him to be permanently born and reborn in your hearts. Thus, we will be prepared with serenity and youthfulness for the last journey and the great encounter.
Final Testimonial
Bia and I studied several ways of presenting our concludions and none of them seemed as effective as the ancient haiku created by Matsuo Bashô, born in Ueno, Japan, in 1644.
Basho is one of the most celebrated of the Haijin poets, that is, as a poet who writes Haiku – a poem composed of only three lines, with 5, 7, and 5 sylables in each line, respectively. Besides being a poet, he is considered a philosopher and a spiritualist, since he was initiated in the practice of Zazen (lotus posture) by the Zen monk Buccho, himself a hermit and poet. To this day, Bashô’s poetry powerfully resonates Zen thinking. When Basho wrote this poem, he was 45 years old, and was in the middle of a journey, on foot (only nobles and Samurai could ride horses), on his way to Oku, a region that is considered inhospitable and mysterious to this day. Some authors are firmly convinced that the poet went on these journeys (three in his lifetime), because he was overtaken by magic powers and an intense spiritual force that completely possessed him. The poems resulting from this particular trip that lasted two and a half years are in his “Narrow Road to the Interior: A Travel Diary”, or Oku no Hosomichi, in Japanese.
It must have been a hot summer day: a frog, anxious to cool off its skin, and he meditating on the margin of a lake. Suddenly, Basho is interrupted by the soud of a frog jumping into the water. And he immediately writes one of the most translated poems in the world.
I compare the quietness of the place, the stillness of the water, and the compulsory call to reality for both the poet and people like us, who in the face of a new fact in life are suddenly obliged to look at the world with different eyes. Like many, we see ourselves as an old pond of still water, quiet, with an absolutely smooth and perfect surface. Until, all of a sudden, a frog jumps and stirs up this apparent quietness. Noise, splash, chrystaline water spray.
But the leap into the water is not limited to the sound. The surface of the old pond is rippled by concentric circles, of increasingly larger diameters, that ripple the surface. It is necessary to find – I don’t know where, how, and how much – other gestures, other practices, and other ways of thinking and of feeling, in order to be able to face the unexpected. At such times, all of our senses and feelings are called upon to take the best out of what we are being offered.
“There you go: the old pond will never be the same. It changed my life, my mother’s and, who knows, yours. The rippled surface has shown me that Life is made of unprecedented values and challenges that, at all times, require both wisdom and courage from us. In my case, I add charity, something bound to happe, because loving people like you have made it happen and will go on doing so in order to make life better.” – Bia
Basho’s poem dates back to 1689. Our manual arrives on the scene 318 years later. It can be said that both are frog leaps into the water. Both talk of the wonderful divine force that presents men and the world with the opportunity to change each day of their existence. As a final comment, Bia and I would like to say to you, Loving Caregiver, that the waters of this pond have gone back to their initial stillness. But they will never be the same, because there was once a frog that Splash (or Plop?), broke the silence and silence now undulates…
Just as the following I Ching’s auspicious message undulates:
At the end of a period of decay there comes a turning point. The powerful light that was banned reappears. There is movement, but this is not generated by force… The movement is natural, it emerges spontaneously. For this reason, the transformation of the old becomes easy. The old is discarded and the new, introduced. Both measures harmonize in time, and so, no damage results from it.”
old pond -
frog jumps in
sound of water
frog jumps in
sound of water
Basho is one of the most celebrated of the Haijin poets, that is, as a poet who writes Haiku – a poem composed of only three lines, with 5, 7, and 5 sylables in each line, respectively. Besides being a poet, he is considered a philosopher and a spiritualist, since he was initiated in the practice of Zazen (lotus posture) by the Zen monk Buccho, himself a hermit and poet. To this day, Bashô’s poetry powerfully resonates Zen thinking. When Basho wrote this poem, he was 45 years old, and was in the middle of a journey, on foot (only nobles and Samurai could ride horses), on his way to Oku, a region that is considered inhospitable and mysterious to this day. Some authors are firmly convinced that the poet went on these journeys (three in his lifetime), because he was overtaken by magic powers and an intense spiritual force that completely possessed him. The poems resulting from this particular trip that lasted two and a half years are in his “Narrow Road to the Interior: A Travel Diary”, or Oku no Hosomichi, in Japanese.
It must have been a hot summer day: a frog, anxious to cool off its skin, and he meditating on the margin of a lake. Suddenly, Basho is interrupted by the soud of a frog jumping into the water. And he immediately writes one of the most translated poems in the world.
I compare the quietness of the place, the stillness of the water, and the compulsory call to reality for both the poet and people like us, who in the face of a new fact in life are suddenly obliged to look at the world with different eyes. Like many, we see ourselves as an old pond of still water, quiet, with an absolutely smooth and perfect surface. Until, all of a sudden, a frog jumps and stirs up this apparent quietness. Noise, splash, chrystaline water spray.
But the leap into the water is not limited to the sound. The surface of the old pond is rippled by concentric circles, of increasingly larger diameters, that ripple the surface. It is necessary to find – I don’t know where, how, and how much – other gestures, other practices, and other ways of thinking and of feeling, in order to be able to face the unexpected. At such times, all of our senses and feelings are called upon to take the best out of what we are being offered.
“There you go: the old pond will never be the same. It changed my life, my mother’s and, who knows, yours. The rippled surface has shown me that Life is made of unprecedented values and challenges that, at all times, require both wisdom and courage from us. In my case, I add charity, something bound to happe, because loving people like you have made it happen and will go on doing so in order to make life better.” – Bia
Basho’s poem dates back to 1689. Our manual arrives on the scene 318 years later. It can be said that both are frog leaps into the water. Both talk of the wonderful divine force that presents men and the world with the opportunity to change each day of their existence. As a final comment, Bia and I would like to say to you, Loving Caregiver, that the waters of this pond have gone back to their initial stillness. But they will never be the same, because there was once a frog that Splash (or Plop?), broke the silence and silence now undulates…
Just as the following I Ching’s auspicious message undulates:
At the end of a period of decay there comes a turning point. The powerful light that was banned reappears. There is movement, but this is not generated by force… The movement is natural, it emerges spontaneously. For this reason, the transformation of the old becomes easy. The old is discarded and the new, introduced. Both measures harmonize in time, and so, no damage results from it.”
Bibliography
We share with you some of the articles and books consulted, a few inspiring texts, and small experiences.
On Religiousness, Faith, and Health.
BENSON,Herbert; STARK,Marg. Medicina espiritual: o poder essencial da cura. Rio de Janeiro: Campos. 1998. 335p.
Folha de São Paulo – Equilíbrio – De corpo e alma - 3 de maio de 2007.p. 4.
O’ DONNELL, Ken. A paz começa com você. São Paulo: Brahma Kumaris,......, ....p.
OSHO. Uma farmácia para a alma. Rio de Janeiro: Sextante, 2006. 149p.
WILKINSON, Darlene. A oração de Jabez para mulheres. São Paulo: Mundo Cristão. 2003. 118p.
On Humor
HUNTER, Charles; HUNTER, Francis. Healing through humour. USA: Creation House Press, Creation House Press – 2003 – EUA
K. Takahashi, M. Iwase, et ali. “The elevation of natural killer cell activity induced by laughter in a crossover study”, International Journal of Molecular Medicine, December 2001, 8(6);645-650.
L.S.Berk, D.L.Felten et ali, “Modulation of neuroimmune parameters during the eustress of humour-associated mirthful laugher” - Alternative Therapies in Health and Medicine, March 2001, 7(2);62-67, 74-76.
On Care
BOFF, Leonardo.Saber Cuidar: ética do humano – compaixão pela terra. Petrópolis, RJ: Vozes. 1999. 199p.
BUZZI,Arcângelo R. Filosofia para principiantes.Petrópolis,RJ: Vozes, 2003. 14 ed. 150p.
CAPRA, Fritjof. O Ponto de Mutação.São Paulo:Cultrix. 10ed. 1995.445p. Cap. 10, 11 e 12.
DUGPA,Rimpoche. Princípios de Vida. Rio de Janeiro: Nova Era, 2004. 153p.
GRÜN, Anselm. Despertar o Cuidado.Petrópolis, RJ: Vozes. 2005. 92p.
Inspiring Texts
ACKERMAN, Diane. Uma história natural dos sentidos. Rio de Janeiro: Bertrand do Brasil. 1992. 366p.
ALVES, Laurinda. Alegria de viver: Crônicas do cotidiano que celebram a atitude positiva diante da vida. São Paulo: Editora Gente. 2005. 161p.
BERG, Jacqueline. Touched by God: women´s stories of spiritual transformation. London,UK: BK Publication. 2006. 112p.
BOA SEMENTE, devocional 2007. Depósito de Literatur Cristão. 2007.
GEORGE, Mike. Meditações: 1001 idéias para encontrar a paz e a serenidade. São Paulo: Publifolha. 2005. 383p.
MC WILLIAMS, Peter. Quem acredita sempre alcança. Rio de Janeiro: Sextante. 2006. 112p.
O’ DONNELL, Ken. A alma no negócio: manual para uma gestão positiva. São Paulo: Brahma Kumaris. 2002. 147p.
R.R.Soares. Como tomar posse da bênção. Rio de Janeiro. 2004. 103p.
RAMSAY, Bárbara. As sete chaves da iluminação. São Paulo: Confluência. 2003. 56p.
Solar, Suryavan. Manual para triunfadores. São Paulo: Gran Sol Editora. 2005. 263p.
On Matsuo Bashô
TAKENAKA, Kimi; MARSICANO, Alberto (tradutores). Matsuo Bashô: trilha estreita ao confim. São Paulo: Iluminuras. 1997. 95p.
VERÇOSA, Carlos. Oku: viajando com Bashô. Salvador: Secretaria de Estado da Cultura e Turismo do Governo do Estado da Bahia. 1996. 570p.
On Religiousness, Faith, and Health.
BENSON,Herbert; STARK,Marg. Medicina espiritual: o poder essencial da cura. Rio de Janeiro: Campos. 1998. 335p.
Folha de São Paulo – Equilíbrio – De corpo e alma - 3 de maio de 2007.p. 4.
O’ DONNELL, Ken. A paz começa com você. São Paulo: Brahma Kumaris,......, ....p.
OSHO. Uma farmácia para a alma. Rio de Janeiro: Sextante, 2006. 149p.
WILKINSON, Darlene. A oração de Jabez para mulheres. São Paulo: Mundo Cristão. 2003. 118p.
On Humor
HUNTER, Charles; HUNTER, Francis. Healing through humour. USA: Creation House Press, Creation House Press – 2003 – EUA
K. Takahashi, M. Iwase, et ali. “The elevation of natural killer cell activity induced by laughter in a crossover study”, International Journal of Molecular Medicine, December 2001, 8(6);645-650.
L.S.Berk, D.L.Felten et ali, “Modulation of neuroimmune parameters during the eustress of humour-associated mirthful laugher” - Alternative Therapies in Health and Medicine, March 2001, 7(2);62-67, 74-76.
On Care
BOFF, Leonardo.Saber Cuidar: ética do humano – compaixão pela terra. Petrópolis, RJ: Vozes. 1999. 199p.
BUZZI,Arcângelo R. Filosofia para principiantes.Petrópolis,RJ: Vozes, 2003. 14 ed. 150p.
CAPRA, Fritjof. O Ponto de Mutação.São Paulo:Cultrix. 10ed. 1995.445p. Cap. 10, 11 e 12.
DUGPA,Rimpoche. Princípios de Vida. Rio de Janeiro: Nova Era, 2004. 153p.
GRÜN, Anselm. Despertar o Cuidado.Petrópolis, RJ: Vozes. 2005. 92p.
Inspiring Texts
ACKERMAN, Diane. Uma história natural dos sentidos. Rio de Janeiro: Bertrand do Brasil. 1992. 366p.
ALVES, Laurinda. Alegria de viver: Crônicas do cotidiano que celebram a atitude positiva diante da vida. São Paulo: Editora Gente. 2005. 161p.
BERG, Jacqueline. Touched by God: women´s stories of spiritual transformation. London,UK: BK Publication. 2006. 112p.
BOA SEMENTE, devocional 2007. Depósito de Literatur Cristão. 2007.
GEORGE, Mike. Meditações: 1001 idéias para encontrar a paz e a serenidade. São Paulo: Publifolha. 2005. 383p.
MC WILLIAMS, Peter. Quem acredita sempre alcança. Rio de Janeiro: Sextante. 2006. 112p.
O’ DONNELL, Ken. A alma no negócio: manual para uma gestão positiva. São Paulo: Brahma Kumaris. 2002. 147p.
R.R.Soares. Como tomar posse da bênção. Rio de Janeiro. 2004. 103p.
RAMSAY, Bárbara. As sete chaves da iluminação. São Paulo: Confluência. 2003. 56p.
Solar, Suryavan. Manual para triunfadores. São Paulo: Gran Sol Editora. 2005. 263p.
On Matsuo Bashô
TAKENAKA, Kimi; MARSICANO, Alberto (tradutores). Matsuo Bashô: trilha estreita ao confim. São Paulo: Iluminuras. 1997. 95p.
VERÇOSA, Carlos. Oku: viajando com Bashô. Salvador: Secretaria de Estado da Cultura e Turismo do Governo do Estado da Bahia. 1996. 570p.
Appendix I
TO KNOW A LITTLE MORE
1. A Few Inspiring Phrases from the Bible
Joy is Life
“Give not over thy mind to heaviness, and afflict not thyself in thine own counsel.
The gladness of the heart is the life of man, and the joyfulness of a man prolongeth his days.
Love thine own soul, and comfort thy heart, remove sorrow far from thee: for sorrow hath killed many, and there is no profit therein.
Envy and wrath shorten the life, and carefulness bringeth age before the time.
A cheerful and good heart will have a care of his meat and diet.” (Ecclesiasticus, 30: 21-25)
All Things are Good
Send forth flowers, as the lily, and yield a smell, and bring forth leaves in grace, and praise with canticles, and bless the Lord in his words. Magnify his name, and give glory to him with the voice of your lips, and with the canticles of your mouths, and with harps, and in praising him, you shall say in this manner: All the works of the Lord are exceeding good” (Ecclesiasticus 39: 19-21)
God wants you to be
... “like a tree planted by the streams of water that brings forth its fruit in its season, whose leaf also does not wither. Whatever you do shall prosper.” (Psalms 1: 3)
My shield is with God,
“Who saves the upright in heart.” (Psalms 7:10)
Trust God
… “For he will give his angels charge of you to guard you in all your ways. On their hands they will bear you up, lest you dash your foot against a stone. Yo will tread on the lion and the adder, the young lion and the serpent you will trample under foot. Because he cleaves to me in love, I will deliver him; I will protect him, because he knows my name. When he calls to me, I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will rescue him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him, and show him my salvation.” (Psalms 91: 11-16)
2. Inspiring phrases from other authors
The secret to improving memory is concentrating on positive memories and praise them permanently.” (Suriyavan Solar)
Change the paradigm of your questions. Instead of asking your relatives (friends and employees) the classic: How was your day today? Try asking: What was your best moment, today?” You will notice amazing improvement in your relationships”. (Ronald Fry, Appreciative Inquiry consultant).
“Look at every person you meet as if he/she were bringing a big secret to you”. (Dugpa Rimposhe)
Love is a great curing force.” (Dugpa Rimpoche)
“Dignity is not a matter of arriving. It is a way of traveling.” (Conclusion arrived at by a BAWB study group from Fortaleza, Brazil, in 2006)
“Oh, Lord, I do not pray for tasks equal to my powers: I pray for power equal to my tasks.” (Phillips Brooks – 1835-1893)
Give Christ to the world, don’t keep Him to yourself and in doing so, use your hands.” (Mother Teresa of Calcutta)
“The body must protect itself from the machine. The latter lurks dangerously. There where the body is body, it memorizes its corpority in what it does. And thus, in the past as today, it is still the body and not the machine that fills our heart with joy.” (Arcângelo Buzzi)
“Some an army of horsemen, some an army on foot
and some say a fleet of ships is the loveliest sight
on this dark earth; but I say it is whatever you desire” (Sappho)
“Whoever taught men to die would teach them to live.” (Montaigne)
“Be the change you want to see in the world.” (Mahatma Gandhi)
“But if God is flowers and trees/And hills and sun and moon/Then I believe in him,/I believe in him at every moment,/And my life is all a prayer and a mass/And a communion by way of my eyes and ears.” (Fernando Pessoa in Poems of Alberto Caeiro)
“ God … is a God of love and consolation: he is a God who fills the soul and heart of those whom he possesses: he is a God who makes them inwardly aware of their wretchedness and his infinite mercy.” (Blaise Pascal, in Thoughts)
“We should not allow someone to leave our presence not feeling better and happier.” (Mother Teresa of Calcutta)
“… it was very painful to me to see lepers, but Care led me into their midst. When I left them, that which had seemed to me bitter had become sweet and easy.” (St. Francis of Assisi, in Testament)
“It is Care that links occupations and preoccupations to things and people. Being together is always the work of Care that takes pity on what is human, be it in me, you, or him.” (Arcângelo Buzzi)
“The value of things is not in how long they last, but in the intensity with which they occur. That's why unforgettable moments, inexplicable things and incomparable people exist, like you, sitting beside us, today.” (Adapted from a poem by Fernando Pessoa)
1. A Few Inspiring Phrases from the Bible
Joy is Life
“Give not over thy mind to heaviness, and afflict not thyself in thine own counsel.
The gladness of the heart is the life of man, and the joyfulness of a man prolongeth his days.
Love thine own soul, and comfort thy heart, remove sorrow far from thee: for sorrow hath killed many, and there is no profit therein.
Envy and wrath shorten the life, and carefulness bringeth age before the time.
A cheerful and good heart will have a care of his meat and diet.” (Ecclesiasticus, 30: 21-25)
All Things are Good
Send forth flowers, as the lily, and yield a smell, and bring forth leaves in grace, and praise with canticles, and bless the Lord in his words. Magnify his name, and give glory to him with the voice of your lips, and with the canticles of your mouths, and with harps, and in praising him, you shall say in this manner: All the works of the Lord are exceeding good” (Ecclesiasticus 39: 19-21)
God wants you to be
... “like a tree planted by the streams of water that brings forth its fruit in its season, whose leaf also does not wither. Whatever you do shall prosper.” (Psalms 1: 3)
My shield is with God,
“Who saves the upright in heart.” (Psalms 7:10)
Trust God
… “For he will give his angels charge of you to guard you in all your ways. On their hands they will bear you up, lest you dash your foot against a stone. Yo will tread on the lion and the adder, the young lion and the serpent you will trample under foot. Because he cleaves to me in love, I will deliver him; I will protect him, because he knows my name. When he calls to me, I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will rescue him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him, and show him my salvation.” (Psalms 91: 11-16)
2. Inspiring phrases from other authors
The secret to improving memory is concentrating on positive memories and praise them permanently.” (Suriyavan Solar)
Change the paradigm of your questions. Instead of asking your relatives (friends and employees) the classic: How was your day today? Try asking: What was your best moment, today?” You will notice amazing improvement in your relationships”. (Ronald Fry, Appreciative Inquiry consultant).
“Look at every person you meet as if he/she were bringing a big secret to you”. (Dugpa Rimposhe)
Love is a great curing force.” (Dugpa Rimpoche)
“Dignity is not a matter of arriving. It is a way of traveling.” (Conclusion arrived at by a BAWB study group from Fortaleza, Brazil, in 2006)
“Oh, Lord, I do not pray for tasks equal to my powers: I pray for power equal to my tasks.” (Phillips Brooks – 1835-1893)
Give Christ to the world, don’t keep Him to yourself and in doing so, use your hands.” (Mother Teresa of Calcutta)
“The body must protect itself from the machine. The latter lurks dangerously. There where the body is body, it memorizes its corpority in what it does. And thus, in the past as today, it is still the body and not the machine that fills our heart with joy.” (Arcângelo Buzzi)
“Some an army of horsemen, some an army on foot
and some say a fleet of ships is the loveliest sight
on this dark earth; but I say it is whatever you desire” (Sappho)
“Whoever taught men to die would teach them to live.” (Montaigne)
“Be the change you want to see in the world.” (Mahatma Gandhi)
“But if God is flowers and trees/And hills and sun and moon/Then I believe in him,/I believe in him at every moment,/And my life is all a prayer and a mass/And a communion by way of my eyes and ears.” (Fernando Pessoa in Poems of Alberto Caeiro)
“ God … is a God of love and consolation: he is a God who fills the soul and heart of those whom he possesses: he is a God who makes them inwardly aware of their wretchedness and his infinite mercy.” (Blaise Pascal, in Thoughts)
“We should not allow someone to leave our presence not feeling better and happier.” (Mother Teresa of Calcutta)
“… it was very painful to me to see lepers, but Care led me into their midst. When I left them, that which had seemed to me bitter had become sweet and easy.” (St. Francis of Assisi, in Testament)
“It is Care that links occupations and preoccupations to things and people. Being together is always the work of Care that takes pity on what is human, be it in me, you, or him.” (Arcângelo Buzzi)
“The value of things is not in how long they last, but in the intensity with which they occur. That's why unforgettable moments, inexplicable things and incomparable people exist, like you, sitting beside us, today.” (Adapted from a poem by Fernando Pessoa)
Appendix II
On Daffodils
I transcribe the beautiful poem by William Woodsworth, an Englishman, who with rare sensitivity registered the glorious blossoming of golden daffodils. It is followed by a free translation, by me. I will explain the reason for this: when I was seventeen, I was charged with the task of “tearing open” the text for an English exam by a very demanding teacher. I got the highest grade. And that meant 99% perspiration and 1% inspiration. And as a result of this effort, I have always wanted to see a daffodil. Forty-five years later, this opportunity came to me, when my daughter was undergoing surgery, in 2007, in Little Rock, United States. They were blooming in their entire splendor, justifying Woodsworth’s inspiration, in 1804, as he walked on the margins of Ullswater Lake with his sister Dorothy, in a tempestuous day.
I wandered lonely as a Cloud
I wandered lonely as a Cloud
That floats on high o´er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.
Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-ending line,
Along the margin of the bay:
Ten thousand I saw at a glance
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.
The waves beside them danced, but they
Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:
A poet could not but be gay
In such a jocund company.
I gazed and gazed - but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought.
For oft when on my couch I lie,
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude,
And then my heart with pleasure fills
And dances with the daffodils.
I transcribe the beautiful poem by William Woodsworth, an Englishman, who with rare sensitivity registered the glorious blossoming of golden daffodils. It is followed by a free translation, by me. I will explain the reason for this: when I was seventeen, I was charged with the task of “tearing open” the text for an English exam by a very demanding teacher. I got the highest grade. And that meant 99% perspiration and 1% inspiration. And as a result of this effort, I have always wanted to see a daffodil. Forty-five years later, this opportunity came to me, when my daughter was undergoing surgery, in 2007, in Little Rock, United States. They were blooming in their entire splendor, justifying Woodsworth’s inspiration, in 1804, as he walked on the margins of Ullswater Lake with his sister Dorothy, in a tempestuous day.
I wandered lonely as a Cloud
I wandered lonely as a Cloud
That floats on high o´er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.
Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-ending line,
Along the margin of the bay:
Ten thousand I saw at a glance
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.
The waves beside them danced, but they
Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:
A poet could not but be gay
In such a jocund company.
I gazed and gazed - but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought.
For oft when on my couch I lie,
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude,
And then my heart with pleasure fills
And dances with the daffodils.
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